What up guys, today I am answering questions from you on how the hell you stay calm, calm and collective when someone has triggered you and all you want to do is lose your sh-have the hell do you respond instead of react when triggered? Let's get after it. I have the best intentions of controlling my emotions and not losing my sh-but when confronted with a situation that challenges that, I completely forget about my intentions to stay calm and in control. How do I teach myself to remember to keep composure in the moment? Alright, I love this because I'm exactly like that. I'm literally a hothead. I don't take pride over it, but I am. So I've just acknowledged that I'm a hothead. Knowing that, now I have to come up with ideas and strategies and techniques so that I don't end up like you becoming extremely emotional in those situations. So I know exactly how you're feeling. Okay, so here's step number one. Remember the time that you last lost your I want everyone right now to remember that one time they're so freaking embarrassed that the one you don't actually wanna admit,

the one that you pretend to use,

sweep under the rug that you really hope no one ever sees. I want you to actually bring that one to memory right now. It's gonna sting a little bit bare with me guys cause we're gonna do this together. Okay, now that you've got that idea, start replaying back. What are you actually ashamed of? I know that's gonna be hard and I know the word shame is going to actually maybe trigger some people that isn't my intention

So I don't want it to trigger you but I do want you to actually feel the feels guys. Stop pretending that it was okay. Stop pretending that thing didn't exist. Feel the feels. That's exactly what I did. I would replay a situation and go, oh my god, I'm embarrassed that I acted like that. I'm embarrassed that I said that. I'm so ashamed that I said that and did that. Now here's the thing, I don't mean myself up over it. I just use the shame to remind myself next time of how it's going to feel if I act like that. So that's super important guys is remembering how you felt when that actually happened. Because now I want that to fricking spur you into action. I really mean that. I want it to actually make you act on it. So replaying that situation, what were you embarrassed about? What did you say? Did you are so embarrassed that you really hope you never say again? Actually write those words out. Face them guys. Face them. Don't be freaking embarrassed. Admit where you went wrong. Face the fact that you said things that you were actually embarrassed about and maybe ashamed about. And now you can actually do something about it. Which means to me, I like to rewrite the script. I will go back and remember I said X, Y and z All right Lisa now hindsight is freaking 2020 so if I know hindsight 2020 What am I gonna say next time what am I going to look back and say the next time someone says is I'm going to do this And now I'm gonna give you a perfect example because I think examples actually drive things home. I had a neighbor 15 years ago before I was actually started quest. I had a neighbor and he was rather flirtatious. Now I have no problem with flirting but to me there's a line of sweet flirtation and then just inappropriate flirtation and he was married and of course I'm arid and he was just inappropriate. Over time I started to almost get offended like This is actually rude. I can't believe he said those things.

And I could start to feel my emotions,

get heightened more and more and more. And I was more annoyed and angry. But like, who the fuck does he think it is? I can't believe any of his freaking married, his poor wife, and then be I married and he's still trying to flirt. And I would get really worked up. And then I just remember that doesn't help anything.

When you meet someone, when you meet anger with anger,

there's nowhere to go but up. So I said to myself in hindsight, I looked over, I looked over the situation, I looked over the ways that I was getting all heated. And I reminded myself that now I can change that because now I have a script. I've got the script of what happened and now I'm gonna edit it because I've got the file. So I'm now editing the script. I'm gonna go back and say, what would I have said differently? What would I have done differently? And now use that script for the next time. And guys, I freaking swear to God that's exactly what I did. I said, okay, there are possibilities, He's going to say I'm imagining imagining it. They're like, oh, I don't know, I didn't mean it like that. No, you're being sensitive. Who wants to be called to sensitive, not me. So I realized and played the strategy of how I could get trapped in my emotions, how I could possibly get triggered and blow up. I started to plan that out. And so I wrote a script on the things

that he could never come back to me. So I said to myself, and this is, I swear to God, this is actually what I said. This is actually what I did. So I wrote out the lines. The next time he's inappropriate to you, Lisa, who do you wanna be? How do I actually wanna sharpen that situation? and the truth was I want to absolutely say composed.

That's important to me.

I felt the shame before I've just said.

So now I'm like, okay, I don't want to sharpen that situation. And the truth was, I want to absolutely say, compose.

That's important to me.

I felt the shame before I was just said.

So now I'm like, okay, I don't want to feel like that.

Again, so now I want to be composed. Cool, you want to be composed. Now the next thing, what do you actually want to say? Because you don't Lisa, you don't want to get caught up in a conversation where it's,

no, you're taking it too seriously.

You've been too sensitive because I know myself,

I know myself and I know that will trick me,

that will take me from totally cool hand Lisa to fricking the Hulk like I know myself that well so I go in with a script I know what he's gonna say or at least I've planned on what he's gonna say back and now I say who do want to be? And what are the words I will choose to use so that he cannot come back and trap me? And I don't mean that actually like it's his thing. I will trap myself into the emotional eruption that I have now got myself into. And so the words I actually wrote down, I'm repeated to him. The next time he was inappropriate, because of course, the situation, how much you it isn't going to happen I found myself in that situation where I bumped him in the street and he was completely inappropriate and so I said the following lines. I would appreciate it if you do not say those words to me again I find them inappropriate. Thank you. BOOM B, boom, boom. I have been very articulate. I stayed very calm. And even if he comes back to me and says, you're being too sensitive, what were the words I used, guys? The words coming out of your mouth. So even if he thinks I'm too sensitive, I've made it very fricking clear that this moment, those words are not acceptable to me. Now whether he thinks that's too sensitive or not, that's something he can debate within himself. But I've been very clear, very articulate, very composed and told him exactly what my expectation is. Now I've said that really calm, but trust me guys, being calm doesn't always serve you. So what I told myself in this very situation is, I have permission to escalate if needed. And the difference between just freaking escalating or staying composed and then taking yourself there is I am in control. I am able to talk myself through the escalation process and I've been able to actually take myself through the escalation process. I've told myself come in, call, compose, but don't get that wicked twisted. You better freaking believe. If he was to disrespect it, push my boundary or step over that boundary. You better believe a gave myself permission to start escalating, to not become calm anymore. And that is how you're able to go from wanting to be a certain way and over time practicing, practicing, practicing to then show up, to be calm, but only when you want to be freaking calm. How do we control being too empathetic? When I'm too empathetic, I can be manipulated or mistreated or used by someone else. Alright, I'm just going to freaking say it. Why on earth do you think that being too empathetic is actually what's leading you to be manipulated or mistreated? Like I actually don't necessarily know if you've actually identified the right issue because I think empathy is tremendously important. I think that that is what makes you you. That is so freaking special girl. Don't you ever ever ever ever dare to smist that beautiful part of you. I think being empathetic is makes us who we are as human beings. The fact that I'm empathetic is exactly what allows me to overcome all my freaking insecurities, this step in front of the camera in the first place. It was the empathy that I had for the other people in the world that was suffering from the same things that I did that forced me to overcome my own freaking insecurities, to overcome that bitch in my head that wanted to tell me I'm no good. It was the fact that I'm that forced me to overcome my own freaking insecurities to overcome that bitch

in my head that wants to tell me I'm no good.

It was the fact that I'm empathetic towards people struggling with health issues or relationship

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