Why Does the Narcissist Do This to Me???
Trauma & Narcissism Redefined
Caroline Strawson
4.8 • 701 Ratings
🗓️ 30 December 2020
⏱️ 14 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
The question I get asked lots of times is - why does the narcissist do this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. I'm gonna get real with you in this episode and explain this in two parts. Let’s dive in.
What You Will Learn in This Episode:
- How we create false reasons for why the narcissist treats us the way they do
- The triangle in Internal Family Systems - True Self, Exile, Protector
- How Exile and Protector parts show up in both narcissist and yourself
- How you become a magnet for a narcissist
- How you can flip the question and ask yourself why you are allowing a narcissist to do that to you
Your power is not trying to change a narcissist, but recognise what it is about you that makes you feel the way that you do and attract people like that into your life. Because when you change that, you change everything.
Resources:
- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse
- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the narcissistic abuse recovery podcast. I'm Caroline Stawson and I'll be sharing with you |
| 0:09.2 | awareness, understanding and education about the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse to help you thrive. |
| 0:16.8 | I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are now and I believe you. |
| 0:21.4 | And this show is all about taking you from trauma to transformation. |
| 0:29.8 | In this episode, I want to talk to you about a question that I get asked lots of times |
| 0:35.4 | and a question that gets posed in my groups, especially my big |
| 0:39.8 | free group, narcissistic abuse recovery for women on Facebook. And that is, why do they do this to me? |
| 0:45.5 | Why does the narcissist behave like this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. |
| 0:50.9 | I always used to say those phrases to myself. I don't know about you, but I always used to |
| 0:55.9 | almost say, what am I doing wrong? I'm doing my best. I'm a nice person. Why? Why are they |
| 1:02.4 | treating me like this? And I really didn't know because I thought, my goodness, I'm just trying to |
| 1:08.8 | be really good here. I mean, when I think about my |
| 1:10.8 | ex-husband, I think just trying to be a decent wife, look after the kids, look after the house, |
| 1:16.3 | cook, clean. I was working part-time. And I kind of thought I was a half-decent wife. Other than the |
| 1:24.0 | fact, I started to hate how I looked then because I needed to have a reason then |
| 1:28.4 | potentially of why my ex-husband was treating me the way I did. And hence, I then started to have |
| 1:35.4 | weight issues because of that, because I could almost say to myself, well, it's because of how I look. |
| 1:41.0 | It's because, you know, I put on a few stone. I hadn't lost the baby weight. |
| 1:45.2 | Rather than actually thinking it was me. |
| 1:47.4 | And I see this a lot in many of my clients because if you can create a reason as to why they are treating you like that and that reason isn't actually because it's you. |
| 1:58.1 | Again, your system is doing a really great job of trying to soothe yourself so it doesn't |
| 2:03.5 | feel as painful. So why is it then? The narcissist does that to you. So we've got to look at a number |
... |
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