The Three Stages of Divorcing a Narcissist
Trauma & Narcissism Redefined
Caroline Strawson
4.8 • 701 Ratings
🗓️ 22 December 2020
⏱️ 18 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Today we talk about the three stages of our healing process when we are divorcing a narcissist. We go through our priorities in stage one, sorting out the legalities while starting to heal in stage two, and recognising that healing is a lifelong journey in stage three.
What You Will Learn In This Episode:
- Safety is the first priority when divorcing a narcissist
- The triangle of divorcing - legalities, finances, and children
- How to be gentle with ourselves when we start our healing process
- The pitfalls of thinking of healing as a destination
- Understanding post-traumatic growth and how it affects us
Divorcing a narcissist is tough, especially if you have children. However, if we focus on our safety, on our healing process, and avoid re-traumatising our mind, we can go through it. What we need to do is not beat ourselves up, and create a healthy ecosystem around us to help us heal.
Resources:
- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse
- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the narcissistic abuse recovery podcast. I'm Caroline Stawson and I'll be sharing with you |
| 0:09.2 | awareness, understanding and education about the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse to help you thrive. |
| 0:16.8 | I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are now and I believe you. |
| 0:21.4 | And this show is all about taking you from trauma to transformation. |
| 0:30.0 | So in today's episode, I want to talk to you about the three stages I believe occur in our healing process when we are divorcing a |
| 0:41.9 | narcissist. Now, divorce on its own is actually the second most traumatic life event you can go |
| 0:48.2 | through after the loss of a loved one. Facture in then divorcing a narcissist, well, you know, you've got the perfect storm there, |
| 0:56.4 | haven't you? You really have. Because divorcing a narcissist doesn't just mean, great, we've signed |
| 1:01.3 | those divorce papers, that's it. They're out of my life and I never have to see them again, |
| 1:05.7 | especially if you have children. Often it can even up the aggression, the abuse, the manipulation, the control. |
| 1:13.9 | You know, I certainly know for me when I spit up with my ex-husband, you kind of think, |
| 1:18.9 | okay, then, we're just going to get everything sorted and I can just focus on healing and, |
| 1:24.5 | oh no, no, no, no, no, no. It isn't like that. And I'm sure many of you listening |
| 1:29.2 | can relate to that. But when I work with my clients, I often talk about three stages of |
| 1:35.1 | divorce when you're splitting up from a narcissist. So stage one is when you're still in the |
| 1:40.8 | relationship with them. And when you're in a relationship with a narcissist, |
| 1:46.3 | and let's not beat around the bush here, an abuser, they are a perpetrator of abuse upon |
| 1:53.6 | you as the victim. The priority has to be your safety. That is number one priority in |
| 2:00.1 | all of this. And from a domestic abuse |
| 2:02.3 | perspective, that's what we need to focus on. Because actually, the stats tell us the most murders |
| 2:09.2 | in domestic abuse happen in the first seven days when you leave. So if you're listening to |
| 2:15.1 | this and you are still in a relationship with a narcissist, your safety |
... |
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