When A Narcissist Knows You Have Them Figured Out
Trauma & Narcissism Redefined
Caroline Strawson
4.8 • 701 Ratings
🗓️ 5 January 2021
⏱️ 18 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Today we talk about a pivotal moment in our relationship with a narcissist - what happens when they know we know? What is their reaction when we let them know we know who and what they are? Is it a good idea to let them know that? Let's find out.
What You Will Learn In This Episode:
- The similarity between starting point of narcissists and codependents
- How to release the legacy burden that we’ve got from our parents
- What happens when the protector parts cover the narcissist's true self
- The effects of highlighting a narcissist's inner wounds
When we confront a narcissist with the truth about who they are, we force them to face their younger wounded parts. That makes their system go into overdrive, and their protector parts become an army pointing all their guns at us. We must ignore that and focus on our recovery and healing OUR wounded parts.
Resources:
- Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse
- Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the narcissistic abuse recovery podcast. I'm Caroline Stawson and I'll be sharing with you |
| 0:09.2 | awareness, understanding and education about the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse to help you thrive. |
| 0:16.8 | I want you to know that I've been exactly where you are now and I believe you. |
| 0:21.4 | And this show is all about taking you from trauma to transformation. |
| 0:29.9 | So in this episode, I want to talk to you about what exactly happens when a narcissist knows you figured them out? Because I hear this question |
| 0:41.3 | asked a lot where the narcissist in your life may suddenly start to behave in an even heightened |
| 0:49.1 | sense of control, abuse, manipulation, nastiness, meanness, all of those things that we associate with narcissistic |
| 0:58.4 | abuse. So what exactly happens when the narcissist actually knows you know? And I use that phrase a lot. |
| 1:06.1 | Hmm, they now know you know. And when they do, and those of you who are in the know of this will totally |
| 1:13.7 | get what I'm about to say. Those of you who aren't, don't worry, this is a great time to be |
| 1:18.5 | listening to this instead. So what happens when a narcissist knows you figure them out? |
| 1:23.2 | Well, remember, narcissists aren't born a narcissist. They are created from childhood trauma. And again, |
| 1:32.3 | you will hear me talk a lot about childhood trauma. Trauma isn't just the big elements of people's |
| 1:39.5 | lives, such as abuse, childhood abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse. Trauma is any |
| 1:47.4 | overwhelm to your internal system. If you think about a cup, for instance, and you keep adding |
| 1:55.8 | water to that cup, at some stage that cup is going to overflow. That's almost like your system. When it gets to |
| 2:03.8 | the stage where you just can't cope and it goes into fight, flight and freeze. Now, they could be |
| 2:10.4 | really big things that have happened. So your cup overflows much, much sooner. And equally, |
| 2:17.2 | it could be lots of little things, which then become |
| 2:20.4 | your cup overflowing. All of that is still trauma to your system, because you are reacting in a way |
| 2:28.2 | to your external perception of danger. Because on the whole, for most of us, there isn't actually any life-threatening |
| 2:38.4 | danger happening in our life. And of course, if there is, you need to take action and you need |
... |
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