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Well, when I first got married, I think I had one set of expectations.

I'm pretty sure my wife, Dina, had a different set of expectations.

And when there is not overlap or when things work out a little bit differently, there's

stress and there can be some concerns.

I'm John Fuller, along with Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife, Aaron, and they lead the marriage ministry here at Focus on the Family.

And, Aaron, let's start with you about expectations.

And I think sometimes, and this wasn't the case for us, but I think sometimes in a relationship, there's an unmet expectation and then fear kind of develops.

And then we're in something that's just

way different than I thought so have you met some couples counsel some couples where that's an issue

do you want me to talk about Greg and I or do you want me to talk about whichever couples I've met

we always enjoy we all we all have different expectations and how we typically manage that is we focus on what

our spouse is or isn't doing.

And so it's good to recognize in those moments when I'm so focused on Greg and what he is

or isn't doing that I'm leaving me out of the mix.

And if I focus on him, I render myself completely helpless.

And when I take that power back and focus on me and how I'm showing up and what I'm doing

or not doing, I actually can change something because I don't have control of what Greg does

or doesn't do.

So when the expectations aren't met, maybe start looking at myself first.

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