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Focus on the Family Strengthening Marriage Podcast

Why Codependency is so Toxic

Focus on the Family Strengthening Marriage Podcast

Focus on the Family

Society & Culture, Relationships

4.71.7K Ratings

🗓️ 14 October 2025

⏱️ 13 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

If you're focused too much on your spouse's issues, that might be a sign of codependency. Jim Daly talks with Dr. Bob Paul and Tara Lalonde, on how you need to deal with your own problems first before trying to fix your spouse. Also, John and the Smalley's bring up how to discern if you're not focusing on your own maturity enough.

 

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Transcript

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0:00.0

God is at work and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising today and find out how you can become an agent of restoration and hope.

0:24.1

Visit truthrising.com today.

0:26.9

That's truthrising.com.

0:34.9

Well, when I first got married, I think I had one set of expectations.

0:38.3

I'm pretty sure my wife, Dina, had a different set of expectations.

0:41.7

And when there is not overlap or when things work out a little bit differently, there's

0:46.9

stress and there can be some concerns.

0:50.3

I'm John Fuller, along with Dr. Greg Smalley and his wife, Aaron, and they lead the marriage ministry here at Focus on the Family.

0:57.5

And, Aaron, let's start with you about expectations.

1:01.6

And I think sometimes, and this wasn't the case for us, but I think sometimes in a relationship, there's an unmet expectation and then fear kind of develops.

1:10.5

And then we're in something that's just

1:13.3

way different than I thought so have you met some couples counsel some couples where that's an issue

1:19.8

do you want me to talk about Greg and I or do you want me to talk about whichever couples I've met

1:25.6

we always enjoy we all we all have different expectations and how we typically manage that is we focus on what

1:32.7

our spouse is or isn't doing.

1:34.9

And so it's good to recognize in those moments when I'm so focused on Greg and what he is

1:41.1

or isn't doing that I'm leaving me out of the mix.

1:44.3

And if I focus on him, I render myself completely helpless.

1:48.0

And when I take that power back and focus on me and how I'm showing up and what I'm doing

1:54.4

or not doing, I actually can change something because I don't have control of what Greg does

1:58.9

or doesn't do.

1:59.6

So when the expectations aren't met, maybe start looking at myself first.

...

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