Hi, this is Janet Landsfury. Welcome to Unruffled.

Today, I'm going to be responding to a Facebook message that I receive from a parent who is

wondering how to react after the fact when her three-year-old has done something mischievous

or destructive.

This is how this parent describes her current situation.

Dear Janet, I'm struggling with many things with my three-year-old, but one I can't find

the answer to is what to do when I find something bad that she's done.

For example, things like finding that she's drawn on the walls, that she's poured water

all over the floor, cut up some of her books.

I don't know how to react.

I don't know where to start.

I also have a ten-month-old, so I can't watch her all the time.

And I don't see some of the things until after the act.

Okay, so I feel for this parent.

This doesn't sound fun.

And first, I want to try to jump to a short answer.

What do we do when we find something, quote, bad that a child is done?

Well, we are going to have an organic reaction very likely.

And then as soon as possible, we'll want to try to take a breath and re-center and realize

that this does not mean that this is a bratty child.

It's not a sign that we're a terrible parent, but it's actually a message, even I would

say a helpful message that we can learn from.

...