When Good Women Stop Being Nice

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

Education, Sexuality, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.7 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 20 January 2026

⏱️ 50 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Many of us learned early on that being good meant following the rules, keeping everyone happy, and never causing discomfort. So maybe you find yourself saying yes when really, you mean no. Perhaps you agree to host the family gathering, even when you’re already overwhelmed, or give in to your teenager’s demands because you don't want to deal with the fallout of their anger. In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Jody Moore of the Better Than Happy Podcast to explore the crucial difference between compliance and true goodness. They discuss the difference between being kind and being compliant, why prioritizing other people’s comfort over your own integrity is harmful, and what your resentments can teach you about yourself and the way you show up in relationships. If you found this episode helpful JOIN US for the Sexuality and Selfhood Workshop in Alpine, UT!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Look at your resentments because there are telltale signs that you're giving where you can't back up what you're doing.
0:06.8	And you either need to back it up honestly and claim the way that you're giving and take responsibility for it,
0:14.3	or you need to do something different, that you can really stand by.
0:30.6	Welcome to Conversations with Dr. Jennifer, a collection of interviews on the topics of relationships, sexuality, spirituality, and more,
0:36.6	all featuring Dr. Finlayson Fife.
0:47.9	Okay, we have Dr. Jennifer Finlayson Fife on the podcast today, and it's so long overdue that I sent, I sent her, I'll just let
0:55.9	all the listeners out, I sent her like a five page outline of things that I want to pick your
1:01.5	brain on, Jennifer. So hope you have all day. Let me just begin by saying that I was thinking
1:08.2	about this morning. I still remember the day I discovered you
1:11.9	on some random podcast somewhere probably eight years ago and went down the Jennifer Finlayson
1:18.4	Fife rabbit hole of like voraciously consuming everything I could find and thinking to myself,
1:24.8	oh my goodness, like where has this woman been? And anyway, I'm so appreciative,
1:30.2	as I know everybody is to you, of your work and your courage. And anyway, you continue to offer
1:36.8	such valuable insight, especially for somebody, you know, in my situation who's a member of the
1:41.7	LDS Church, there's some slight nuances to the challenges that we deal with. And you've just been such a leader in that space. So thank you
1:49.8	for what you're doing. Thank you. No, it's such meaningful work and I love it. And I'm so glad it makes a
1:56.4	difference for people. So yeah, it's been wonderful. So Jennifer has a new book out, which we'll talk about
2:02.4	a little bit later. So if you are new to her for some reason, if you've been hiding under a rock,
2:06.7	I'm happy to introduce you to her and we'll get you lots of tools and resources. But the topic I really
2:12.2	wanted to dive into today that I hope you're okay with is this idea of being nice and where it becomes problematic,
2:22.1	especially for women. And just the idea that maybe nice isn't always serving us. Let's kind of
2:30.3	kick off with this idea that, this is something I've heard you say. I pulled a few of
	...

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