When did you realize that your parents were master criminals?

If we were at home and they yelled, Pigs, we were to hide behind the couch and be silent.

If we were in the car and they yelled Pigs, we had to lie down on the floor and not move a muscle.

I was kidnapped in grade three by my dad's supplier. He yelled us for two days. We had no idea. My sister and I

met him before loads of times. When he showed up at school and said our parents were on vacation

and to go with him, we did. They had soda and Oreos and a puppy and a Sega Genesis and it was the

best weekend of my life. I found out 20 years later when my mum was complaining

about never having had a vacation in her life, I reminded her of that vacation and she said,

You idiot, you were kidnapped. Oh, cool. My blood father was a substance dealer and he often came

home with some really nifty stuff. I later found out it was stuff he got from people

who didn't have cash on them but still wanted to buy. I think the thing I feel most guilty about

was a Game Boy Advance I was given that we'd either only have for a little while or have forever.

And when he said that, it was usually forever. It had a heap of games with it, and I went through

and started new games on all of them,

erasing the existing save files. Well, he took that one back after a month, so I guess whoever it was

paid up, and I feel really sorry for their kid. Mommy or Daddy had needed a fix and used their

Game Boy Advance as collateral, and when they got it back, all of their saves were gone. I was only a kid at the time and didn't

really know the context in which I was handed the thing, but I know it belonged to a kid

since there were quite a few young child learning game cartridges alongside Mario and Pokemon.

Not my parents, but a friend's dad gave us some solid advice that I always remembered. Remember, boys,

don't break the law when you're breaking the

law. It applies in so many ways. For example, don't run a stop sign when you're carrying in the car,

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