When did a blind date make you run for the hills?

I chatted up a girl online for about a week or so, and things went pretty well, so we decided to meet up.

I asked her out to dinner and said that if things went all right, we could go grab a drink after.

Let's just say her photo didn't match her appearance. Her excuse was that she'd had a crazy ex that was stalking her, so she'd used her sister's photo and name. Her name. She'd lied about her name. Anyway, came to find through her interview that she was an only child. She didn't catch her slip-up, but I sure did. She rambled on and on about crap I really couldn't have cared less about. Then came the food. The waitress may as well

have brought it out in a trough, as this woman didn't use her utensils. Did I mention we were at a

steak restaurant? That's right, folks. She picked her steak up and ate it with her hands. Let's not even

get into the potatoes. It was the worst date of my life. It was this large, disgusting, uninteresting thing with no table manners, devouring her food in front of me. I couldn't eat my meal. I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I was just going to get my food in a box to go and that I'd eat it later if I felt better. Her response, Would you mind if I ate it? You wouldn't think this person had eaten in a week has she proceeded to devour my dinner as well.

She ate both steaks, both sets of mesh potatoes, all the bread, everything.

The waitress comes over and says,

Goodness, when's your due date?

The girl says that she's due in two months.

What the frick?

First off, I'd been stunned that the waitress had asked, but then I was flawed at the girl's response. Unbelievable. Being the gentleman that I am, I picked up the check because, hey, it wasn't going to pay itself, and I'd much rather fit the bill for dinner than go to jail. I kindly said it was nice to meet you, got in my car, and went to the bar. She followed me. She followed me to the bar. And when I got out of my car, she proceeded to berate me over why I was going out instead of going home. Now she's calling me a liar in the parking lot of the bar I frequent, and my work buddies are starting to roll in. I never heard the end of that. I said, to hell with this crap, got in my car and drove home.

As I read this, a thought occurred to me. What if she was completely underwhelmed with you and decided, screw it, I'll eat with my hands tonight, just to see what she could get away with. I'm sure that's not the case, but I couldn't shake the thought. I got set up with the daughter of one of my parents' friends.

I wasn't really looking forward to it, but I was on break from college, and she apparently went to school not far from me. So it wasn't like a lost cause summer romance type thing. They showed me pictures and said nice things about her. I picked her up from her parents' place. We were both home for the summer. And I was a little surprised by how pretty she was. The pictures had been from back when she was in high school and didn't really do her justice. The date was dinner and a movie. Dinner went really well. We had a lot in common. She was very grounded and down to earth, cared about the environment. If I had a type, she was it. So we're walking to the movie theatre, and I slipped my arm around her waist.

She pushed me away and got really serious. I'm really sorry because you seem like a nice guy,

but I'm gay. I just went out with you to make my parents happy. Sitting through the Chronicles of

Narnia with her was the most awkward two hours of my life. Well, it was ironic that you both went to see a movie about going

into a wardrobe, also known as a closet. Ard hazard a guess that it was probably an equally

awkward date for her, and I hope to God that you didn't out her to anyone, because she seems like

a nice lady. Mine's more of a blind date fail. I'd just come back home from college, and I was

having a night

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