What was your worst? Sucks to be right moment.

I have, to this day, been 100% accurate on how terrible guys that my lady friends, ones that I'm not interested in, should avoid.

One of my friends got syphilis from one guy because he was messing around with three other girls at the time.

Another entered into a very

upsetting and tumultuous relationship with another scumbag. There are others, but they just

never seem to believe me when I can pinpoint scumbags. I bet we're being acquired and

all losing our jobs. Whole company meetings aren't fun. Internet-based company, the internet went down for 30 minutes.

Everyone was getting ready to go, and I was just about to shut down my machine when the

net came back online.

I decided to announce said fact.

You sound like a butthole.

He sounds like the guy who reminds the teacher about homework that was due.

It was one of those not thinking at all moments, guys. I was staring at my screen while windows

closed and up popped, connected to the network. Stupid, yes, malicious, no. When my girlfriend

told me she was pregnant for the first time, I told her we had to wait to tell her parents, because we needed to get a lot more support from various other people before telling them. I knew her mother's reaction would be bad. She told her mother over the phone the next day. Just as I'd predicted, her mother reacted very, very badly, and proceeded to ruin the next three years of my girlfriend's life.

I wondered out loud if my little sister had an eating disorder. Whoops. I was doing dishes one night

when my sister came home. She said, guess who died today? I randomly said, Michael Jackson. Let it

be known that I never saw or heard the news that day.

Another one, my friend was posting sad things on the internet.

My other friend and I weren't sure why, and I took a guess.

Maybe his guinea pig died.

Sure enough, it was announced the next day.

...