Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own

rebirth many years ago and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life

lessons and revelations. I believe in casual or clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose

because self-help doesn't have to be so complicated. A question I get often is what do I look for in a partner? I'm dating someone or it's new and I want to know what's important and for many of us it's the

predictable you know it's chemistry connection cash hopefully not cash connection, cash,

hopefully not cash.

But I tell my clients what you should look for is ability.

And so I wanted to explain this in this episode.

I think the most important question to ask yourself when finding a partner is, can I build

something with this person?

So the ability isn't just in the other person, it's also your ability and it's the ability of the combination of both you and that person.

Because you could have a ton of tools but doing life

with yourself and working through anxiety all the shit that comes up and self parenting and

managing your emotions all of that alone is very different than doing that with someone else.

You know, doing it with someone else requires not just heavy lifting on your part but also the other person.

So when I say ability it's not just your partner's ability, it's your own ability, and this is what most people don't think about the ability of

the combination because that's like a it's almost like the thing that you guys

are building is its own thing, right?

It's like having a child.

You don't own it, it is a collaboration,

and it is something greater than each other.

So, can I build something with this person?

...