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Moral Maze

What should we expect from a father?

Moral Maze

BBC

Society & Culture, Religion & Spirituality

4.5609 Ratings

🗓️ 13 November 2025

⏱️ 58 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This year’s John Lewis Christmas advert puts an emotional focus on a father-son relationship. It shows a dad and his teenage boy struggling to put their feelings into words. It points to what many observe as a wider crisis in fatherhood. Numerous studies suggest that an involved father significantly improves a child's life chances. However, in the UK, a teenager is more likely to own a mobile phone than live with their dad, according to a 2025 report from the Centre for Social Justice.

The reasons are complex. Traditionalists cite changing gender roles leading to conflicting societal expectations on men and a confusion of male identity. Progressives suggest the pressure on dads to be strong for their family, both financially and emotionally, makes it difficult for them to demonstrate vulnerability, and that leads to guilt, stress and burnout. Youth workers report how the lack of a male role model at home can make space for other damaging influences - in the real world and online, in gangs and in the “manosphere” - pushing a very narrow definition of masculinity, and begetting more ill-equipped fathers.

What should be the role of a father, practically, emotionally and morally? How, if at all, should it be different from that of the mother? Do we expect too much or too little of fathers? Do children always need fathers in their lives? How should we address the ‘rinse-and-repeat’ cycle of absent fathers?

Chair: Julie Etchingham Panel: Carmody Grey, Giles Fraser, Anne McElvoy and James Orr. Witnesses: Tony Rucinski, Genevieve Roberts, Anton Noble, Ed Davies. Producer: Dan Tierney.

Transcript

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0:00.0

BBC Sounds, Music, radio, podcasts.

0:07.3

Hello, I'm Kimberly Wilson. I'm a psychologist, and in my new podcast, Complex, I'll be your guide

0:14.4

through all the information and misinformation that's out there about mental health.

0:19.0

I'm joined by expert guests covering topics

0:21.8

from people-pleasing to perfectionism,

0:24.2

burnout to empathy,

0:25.9

to find tangible advice

0:27.3

so we can understand ourselves a little better.

0:30.5

Complex with me, Kimberly Wilson.

0:33.0

Listen on BBC Sounds.

0:35.5

Good evening.

0:36.7

You've probably seen it.

0:38.1

The annual cultural barometer that is the John Lewis Christmas ad has this year shone an emotional spotlight on a father-son relationship.

0:46.8

Leaning heavily on nostalgia, it depicts a middle-aged dad and his teenage boy, seemingly struggling to put their feelings into words, finding connection

0:55.5

instead through music and a copy of a 90s LP. It's no doubt got a lot of viewers' misty eye,

1:02.2

but it also speaks directly to a moment of growing concern over a crisis in fatherhood and masculinity.

1:09.4

The backdrop is a complex one.

1:11.3

Female equality and economic empowerment

1:13.7

have transformed relationships between men and women.

1:17.3

For some dads in those relationships,

1:19.6

it's worked well, allowing them far greater hands-on engagement

1:23.0

with their kids than previous generations.

...

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