What gross, crazy shenanigans happen in the McDonald's play pit.

I found a pair of rusty scissors in the ball pit when I was six, gave them to a staff member and got a free ice cream.

I know now that it was likely a bribe to keep me quiet.

You know what, my experiences weren't bad at all. I found like four original Game Boy

games in the ball pit once, games including Tetris and Donkey Kong. Some kids smeared

his number two on the inside of the tube, had to call in a cleaning company to take care

of it. An old couple were with their grandchild. They sat down at one of the tables that had the tubes

running over it. The kid went wee-wee in the tunnels above, and it dripped down all over the old

people and their food. I swear to God, whenever I went to one of those tubular germ factories

as a kid, there were always mysterious yellow-green puddles, or at least the faint smell of

wee-we wee and whatever

crappy disinfect and the poor employee who had to squeeze himself into the thing had used.

Never stopped me from going into them, though.

A lady left her two young children in the playplace four hours while she went to the thrift store

shopping. Eventually a nice old woman came in and told me they were there

and didn't seem to have a guardian present.

So, of course, I called the cops.

When she finally returned, she admitted that she does it a few times a week.

Another time, I was getting ready to lock up for the night,

and I noticed smoke coming from under the hood of the playplace.

I was quite surprised to find four older men

smoking green herb and cigarettes, sliding and giggling. Some freaking kid climbed all the way to

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