What basic fact broke your brain?

When I was a little kid, my mum would bet me that I couldn't eat my carrots without making

them make a snap noise.

I was determined to prove her wrong, carefully biting in until snap, damn it.

Let's try the next one.

Careful, careful, snap, damn it. I think I was about 16 before I realized she

didn't care in the slightest about the bet. She just wanted me to eat my darn veggies. That's actually

pretty clever. My mom is a sneaky one. She teaches elementary school and she's still using this

bet on kids to this day.

When I was 16, I worked weekends at a pharmacy.

One morning right after the store opened, some guy came in, shops around the store for a little

while, and leaves without buying anything.

Except when he gets to the door, he trips on our rug and falls flat on his face.

I immediately stuck my head over the counter to make sure he was okay

when he yelled, those aren't mine, and runs out. I looked down on the ground and there's two

badly dented 20-ounce beers on the ground. My initial thought was, oh my God, he tripped on those

beers. Who put those on the ground by the exit? It took me about an hour to realize what he was actually up to.

I grew up pretty sheltered and I never swore. In high school, I heard someone say

mofo once, and I thought it sounded pretty cool. So I went around calling my friends and even

a teacher mofo for a few days before someone finally told me it was short for Mother Fricker.

I got an electric toothbrush for my birthday. I was also traveling with family at the time.

I happened to lose my toothbrush and looked everywhere for it. I was about to search through my

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