War, Reaction Videos, Dog Advice | Monday Morning Podcast 3-2-26
Monday Morning Podcast
All Things Comedy
4.7 • 34.1K Ratings
🗓️ 2 March 2026
⏱️ 57 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Bill rambles about war, reaction videos, and dog advice.
Zip Recruiter: Try for free at http://www.ZipReCruiter.com/BURR
SimpliSafe: My listeners can get 50% off a new system by visiting http://www.Simplisafe.com/BURR
Squarespace: Head to http://www.squarespace.com/BURR for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: BURR
Fast Growing Trees: Right now, they have great deals on spring planting essentials, up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get TWENTY PERCENT OFF their first purchase when using the code BURR at checkout at http://www.FastGrowingTrees.com
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, |
| 0:07.3 | March 2nd, 226. What's going on? How why? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I've had this fucking cold for like 10 days. |
| 0:19.7 | I don't know what it is. Do you think it's the |
| 0:21.5 | Al-Qaeda? Do you think it's illegal immigrants? What could it be? I'm having a false flag |
| 0:29.0 | about my fucking throat here. Uh, um, anyways, March 2nd is a very significant day for me. Um, I started stand-up comedy 34 years ago today. I looked it up today how many days ago that was. |
| 0:47.3 | Because I remember somebody asked me, you know, one time said, how did you get good at stand-up? I said, well, you know, I did a bunch of sets. And they said, oh, you put your 10,000 hours in. Because they, you know, one time, said, how did you get good at stand-up? I said, well, you know, I did a bunch of |
| 0:54.3 | sets and they said, oh, you put your 10,000 hours in. Because there's that, there's that theory |
| 0:59.7 | that if you put in 10,000 hours on something, you are then a master of it, which, you know, |
| 1:07.6 | I could do 20,000 hours of singing. I still wouldn't master. I'd still be terrible at it. |
| 1:14.2 | You have to have a gift, right? There's got to be some sort of hope. Like I could read out loud for 20,000 |
| 1:21.9 | hours and I still wouldn't be good at. So that's what the guy said. He said, oh, you put your 10,000 |
| 1:27.1 | hours in. So I was trying to think |
| 1:28.8 | how many hours that I've spent on stage. And then what I did was I actually looked back and I said, |
| 1:36.7 | how many days ago was March 2nd, you know, 1992. It was like 12,400-something days. So I would almost have to be doing like a half |
| 1:49.2 | hour set every single night since 1992. So there's no way, I'm nowhere near 10,000 hours on |
| 1:57.4 | stage. 10,000 fucking hours. That's like having a headlining gig every |
| 2:06.0 | single night for 30 straight years. If you do like, because what is, it's 365 days in a year. |
| 2:14.8 | This is some rain man shit. Three thousand six hundred and 10 years. So, yeah, so 20 years would be, what is that? |
| 2:24.2 | That's like 72, 7300. And then you need like another, you know, like 17. So for 18 fucking straight years, you'd have to be doing an hour a night. |
| 2:39.9 | There's no fucking way. |
| 2:41.3 | There's no fucking way I'm anywhere near that. |
| 2:43.2 | Even back in the day when I would do, like New York City, |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from All Things Comedy, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of All Things Comedy and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.