Woo! Welcome back guys to part 2 of this freaking hot spicy passion fact episode with the award-winning sexologist and author, Jaya. So if you're wondering why your sex life isn't as satisfying as it could be or as you wished it was or as you dreamt it could be, then we're here to unpack all the aurora kinky and to boo topics and areas and ideas around sex and help you create your best freaking sex life that actually makes you feel like you're on fire. So whether you're feeling shame, rejection or a dipping confidence due to mismatched hair knots and desires in the bedroom, then you'll have all the central knowledge you need to stop building a bridge of passion to you and your partner and your own pleasurable nights. So let's dive in to part two. Woo! Get the kids out of the room guys if you have any because this is going to be spicy with my girl, Jaya, on women of impact. And so how do you, um, then, because you were saying, right, it's like there's one part that can be potentially the conditioning that we've been taught that this is bad and so you're like, I won't do that. Versus I just haven't enabled myself to let go of that shadow side. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so this is where the healing comes in. So we talked about feeding, speaking, and then there's healing. So that shadow side and being able to really go, Okay, wait a minute. There's something here that I now have as a program

or a condition that came from my life circumstances or life events. Maybe it's time for me to look at those things and really see what can I do to overcome that programming and that conditioning. But the shadow can have different aspects, not just our psyche emotional aspects. It can have physical things like scar tissue from childbirth or pelvic floor tears, something like that. Going through life changes that can cause a biochemical change. So there's also biochemistry that can affect it and then bioenergetics. So we're bioenergetics before anything else. So what's happening in the body system and the energy system and in our emotional systems that are creating these shadows and how can we bring the unconscious material with sexuality conscious? So working with bioenergetics, I'm looking at the other three realms too because they all affect each each other. So if somebody has scar tissue in the midline,

it's cutting through the energetic meridian in the front of the bottom. So we want to know that, because that's going to affect libido, that might affect sensation. And we want to work with that. So it's like I'm an erotic detective, a lot of times in the shadow realm, Because it's like, okay, let's see, let's find this.

Let's like really dig and look at all these different areas

to see what could's find this.

Let's like really dig and look at all these different areas to see what could be the original cause because once we get to the original cause, then we can start to unravel it. So for example, scar tissue, if I find that, that can be affecting the whole system. And then we're going to do castro oil massage, castro oil breaks down, recent allegacid. for anybody listening who has scar tissue and maybe that's causing pain.

Is it usually scar tissue in the stomach?

It can be, you know, see section scars, episiotomy scars. It's a lot of what I work with when we're looking at scars. I never thought that that connects to your libido and whoa. Yeah, and I see that frequently. I was actually working with a client last year

who had had a surgery and was having trouble with a rectal function and just couldn't understand. I was like, as soon as I heard about the surgery, I was like, there we are. And we did a couple of smart issue things and like helped with his mental because what starts happening is like, oh, first time I don't something wrong happens, then the brain starts to spin, right? And so once we cleared all of that, then he was fine.

Yeah, I had so many gut issues for a while.

Like really? happens, then the brain starts to spin. Right. And so once we cleared all of that, then

he was fine. Yeah. I had so many gut issues for a while, like really bad gut issues that I was having a lot of pain. And I didn't really put the two together because I was like, well, the vagina and the gut is two very different parts of the body. Nope. It's all connected. It's fascinating to me how how something in the gut exactly and then how that's affecting the whole system. That's when I very first heard about pelvic floor, because I was like,

what the hell is that? All right. Do you actually want to explain it if no one knows? Yeah, so pelvic floor is the muscles that basically are like holding all of this. And so in our rectal tissue is between the pelvic floor, which I love because as soon as you're squeezing and getting these different layers of your pelvic floor strength end, then you're squeezing the entire rectal tissue. And so you can give yourself orgasms just by strengthening and getting resilience. But I really like to think of it like there's strength because sometimes we can over just like any muscle, if you're like over trained just one muscle and you also don't have flexibility and you don't have resilience in that muscle Then we need to also have resiliency. We need to have flexibility And so tissue that's resilient is like when you touch it and then you can see that it it responds to that touch In a certain way as opposed to like it's mushy You know, so we want that resiliency or does it bounce back? Does the elastin bounce back? And so we want all of these different things within the pelvic floor. So even just as we're sitting here, we can, I do pelvic floor exercises all the time. And part of that is just to get my sexual energy and my liveliness going, it's like a pump and it's fueling your whole body. And so these different layers of muscles, I, when I was 19, I was like, I'm going to learn how to move each layer, isolate each layer in my pelvic floor. Wow. So I started just like, okay, these are the ones that stop the flow of urine. And let me like pay attention to get just these. Okay, here's the anal sphincter. Now let me get the anal sphincter online. Now here's high in the vaginal canal near the cervix. And now can I control that? Move all of that. And then I started to wave them. I became obsessed when I was 19 years old. This was, you know, I was destined to be a sexologist. I guess. From the age of 13, I think you said, right? This is amazing. I can't believe you had that much control. Okay, so thank you for explaining that. So in that change, so like when I had my baby, I lost, I mean, it was great that I had that control because when I was giving birth, I could push and do certain things with that, so it helped me a lot in that process. But then I had to rebuild. And that was a whole other process and a whole other journey. That's actually fascinating to think about how many, if you've had to child then compared to before having a child, your blueprint types change because of that? They can and I have seen this in my practice where a life event will cause the blueprints to shift. So menopause, one, a big life crisis, something like that, or some kind of change, change in relationship, can cause it to shift, having a baby can cause it to shift. Because we're not just the blueprint, we're also the biochemistry, we're also what's happening to us physically, we're also emotional, and so all of that plays a role into. And that's why there's actually your blueprint type, but there's also the core erotic blueprint has is taking into account

these four things that I've been talking about in terms of biochemistry, bioenergetics, physical and emotional. Wow. Can you give me an example then for each of those? Yeah. So, bio mechanical would be the scar tissue that I was talking about, or let's say lack of flexibility and injury that you've had in some way that is creating, like I can't And then the position on my knees anymore, that would be biomechanical.

And then biochemical is a little hormone. an injury that you've had in some way that is creating, I can't get into that position on my knees anymore.

That would be biomechanical. And then biochemical is little hormones and the hormonal state. And that's the chemistry between you and your partner. So would that be like, if you're, so that's why you say kind of things like menopause and stuff? Yeah, or your testosterone's low. And I think a lot of women don't think about, Oh, testosterone.

But having low testosterone's going to affect sexual function.

Have you heard of the T-shirt study? No. Oh, I think I'm white. Explain to me. Yes. In chemistry between you and another person, there's a nerve in your nose called cranial nerve zero and it goes to the sex centers of the brain. And so what it's doing though, I think, is, is that it's reading the immune system of your partner with your immune system so that if you were to have a child, you would have a child with a really healthy immune system. And they did a study with women where they had them smell a t-shirt to smell the pheromones to see what would happen. And the women who are on birth control could not smell the signature of attraction of that chemistry that they would have with someone who would create because of the immune system, a best child, as strong as child. But then when they went off birth control, and so it was interesting because then I have women who go off birth control, like I'm not attracted to my husband anymore. And it's because of the pheromonal signature. So attraction has something to do with the chemistry with this cranial nerve.

And what about even like even the got, like, so that, you know, the immune system? Right. How would you, would that work both ways as well? I would think so. Um, I, the interesting thing about gut health is the serotonin. And I think that that then plays a role because if we look at like some of these neural

transmitters and hormones in our body, serotonin. And I think that that then plays a role because if we look at like some of these these neurotransmitters and hormones in our body, serotonin is the bonding aspect. And so if your gut health is all all affected, then how is that affecting the bonding between you and your partner? And we got dopamine. And even in orgasm, we're looking at also the phases, masters and johnson's phases withm. We've got acetocholine, we've got dopamine, and I am a high dopamine woman. So I like, I'm like, have the orgasm now get down to the next thing. You know, that's part of my high dopamine phase is that I like that variety. But if I was high serotonin, then that would be different. Or GABA. Like, serotonin GABA are lower in my body. And so that's always important for me to know is like, well, what's happening? And can I boost that so that I have more bonding capacity versus like, oh, new shiny object, you know, when I had one foot out the door? Okay. Well, wait a minute. Maybe GABA, and since serotonin supplementation might help me then really feel all in with

this relationship. Well, is that what you did then? You did some supplements. Yeah, I actually did supplement because I knew my neural transmitters and that was high acetylcholine and dopamine, which is great because acetylcholine and dopamine are great for orgasm and for arousal. But then the bonding side of things wanted to just supplement a little. A lot of people don't have awareness in this area, except for the energetic blueprint,

has a lot of people don't have awareness in this area, except for the energetic blueprint, has a lot of awareness, maybe not like cognitively, but they can feel it. They feel when something's off, they feel when something's not right. And so their hair might stand on end about something. And so you have to be really attuned when working with an energetic. Is it, is that way like would you have to have more communication in that if you're an energetic? I think you have to have more communication that is body aware communication. So there's the words we can use of course always have that foundation. But there's an attunement and a listening. I always say if I could teach people one skill, it's awareness. And people always say to me, like, Jaya, you have such a detunement, you have such an attuned touch. And that's from years and years of listening and learning to listen, not just with my hands, but with my being, that I'm there and I'm present with someone. And I'm listening for all the subtle cues all the time. and that allows me to be a really good energetic lover because I have that attunement, which not everybody has because we haven't been taught how to have that level of awareness and attunement. Yeah, because I can just imagine most of us, a lot of us don't even know our own body, our own sensation to get attuned with ourselves, let it even getting attuned with your whole So Yeah. So it starts with you really. I mean, can you even just like spend, spend five minutes with your wrist? How often do we just even spend with a body part time? And so can you be so attuned to every little curve and the temperature and how things feel under your fingertips? One of the exercises I had to do when I was in a massage school was we would put hair in a Bible, because the Bibles have really thin pages. And we would feel the hair through the page, and then they'd turn a page. And then you'd have to feel the hair through the next page. And then turn the page, and feel the hair through the next page. So you're attuning your fingertips to being able to feel that hair with each page that they turned. And I loved that exercise because it really gave me

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