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The Bert Show

Vault: This Woman Will Teach You How To Kiss

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

Comedy, News, Society & Culture, Entertainment News

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 15 January 2026

⏱️ 15 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Vault: This Woman Will Teach You How To Kiss

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Transcript

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0:00.0

The Bird Show. We found out yesterday that there is a new business blossoming out of Seattle

0:06.9

called Kissing Seregate. It is a woman that will fly into your town. If you if when you're

0:16.7

kissing your man or vice versa, things aren't just right. He's not, he doesn't know what he's doing,

0:20.7

not sure what he's doing. You can call her up. She will come into town and she will watch the two of you make out and show you what you're doing right and what you're doing wrong. And how much you charge for this? I don't know. Did we find out how much yesterday it was? I don't think so, but, I mean... It's $300 per couple?

0:39.4

$300 per couple.

0:55.5

Plus, I'm sure you've got to pay for her flight and whatever. Well, the thing is, I mean, here's a surrogate. There's kissing schools out there where, you know, people go into a room and it's all these couples and they're in a... I mean, it's obviously something that is needed because there's nothing worse than being with a bad kisser.

0:55.5

We, um, and you guys probably also, you never. I mean, it's obviously something that is needed because there's nothing worse than being with a bad kisser.

1:02.5

We, and you guys probably also, you never forget that experience either, like your very worst kiss ever.

1:10.8

I specifically remember, I mean, this happened a while ago, but it was with, and I'm going to see her at my high school reunion in a couple of weeks,

1:16.1

Leanne Bryan, and I think I remember telling you guys this, it was a game of spin the bottle back in the day.

1:19.0

And I was a, I'm a little guy now.

1:22.6

I was a really little guy, like back in the eighth grade.

1:25.1

I mean, I was the size of a doll.

1:25.9

A weeble.

1:32.4

And I remember spinning the bottle, and I had to French kiss Leanne Bryan.

1:35.5

And A, she dipped me.

1:41.5

She literally took me in her arms and dipped me like I was on Dancing with the Stars.

1:50.3

And then shoved and jabbed and a little darter.

1:59.0

Dartered her way in my mouth to a point where it was so painful that even to this day I haven't forgotten it.

2:00.5

Now that's the kind of person that

2:01.7

needs a kissing surrogate. Now if you guys can remember your worst kiss ever, you remember it in

2:05.8

detail. Call us 404-741-105. I've got two. I mean, because I've had the experience of kissing both

...

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