The Bert Show.

This article should have been written, Dear Bert.

That's how it should have started. And I was never like this until my kids were born. And now I'm just like so sensitive to anything dirty or fecal matter. Well, you had a little bit of this in you because I think you had this idea before there was a Hollis or Hayden. The idea that they're talking about in the paper is, and by the way, they have a picture on the front.

If you look at the living section, they actually show Bert leaving a public restroom.

Right.

With his hazmat suit on, yeah.

On the right.

But basically the idea is that people are becoming so germophobic that they are making bathrooms cleaner by making them completely touch-free.

We talked about this years ago.

So you know how it started, I think, with the restrooms, the toilets, and then also the

urinals in the men's room where when it detects motion in front of it and the motion moves,

it walks away, it flushes automatically.

Then they put the same things on the seat sinks.

So you run your hand under it 27 times, like using the self-checkout line at the grocery store and you can never quite get it. And you've got the paper towel thing going on also. Yeah, wait in front of the paper towel. Now they've got their special handles on the doors. There's a picture of it. It's actually brilliant. Couldn't be happier about this. Yeah. Where's the picture?

There's a picture, Bert, of, it's shaped like an L. Look it, and that's how you leave the bathroom. Can you see that? Yeah. So you lock your arm, so you lock your arm in it, and you pull it open that way so you don't touch it with your hand. So you never use it with your hand. Okay. Because the technique right now is, you know, to take a clean paper towel, open the door. When you get the door open, you kind of kick it all the way open, and then you test your basketball skills with the paper towel, or you return to your table with it. Right. So the number – until this is adopted by all restrooms, I would like to suggest that every restroom have a small waste paper basket in the little area, you know, after you've gone out the door, but before you've turned into the restaurant, you know what I'm talking about?

So people can just drop their – and the only thing that will go in there will be dry paper towels that people have used to open the door.

So I would recommend that.

And then also,

um, I think if why can't you just make restroom doors that push out? Like, why do they all

have to open in? You still got a touch though. You know, take it with your foot. Yeah.

Should your shoulder or your forehead or your tongue or something. Yeah, just lick it.

Use your tongue and push it open. When I was on a cruise ship earlier this year, because I guess they're more worried about germs, you know, if somebody gets a stomach. There's a lot of outbreaks of like a lot of illnesses. And if you're on a ship and you get one of those illnesses, it's pretty bad. If, um, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide on a ship. Yeah, it spreads to the ship pretty fast. So in, in the restrooms there, they have, uh, a little napkin holder that's right next to the door. And it's, there's a picture of people you, you're supposed to take one of those napkins and use them to push over the door. Well, in the, and the ship I was on, they had Pureurrell dispensers, stand-up dispensers next to the

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