Vault: Jeff Drops Melissa's Dog Off
The Bert Show
The Bert Show
4.1 • 4.4K Ratings
🗓️ 27 October 2025
⏱️ 6 minutes
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| 0:00.0 | You're on The Virt Show. Should have been a pretty easy night. Jeff is dropping Melissa's dog Toby off before all hell breaks loose. I feel bad that I'm going to do this, but I feel like I need to because we've been snowed. Snowed? Yeah. Oh, is this the Melissa thing? Yes. All right. We have all, you know, she marches around. |
| 0:22.3 | It says, oh, my kidney's her. |
| 0:23.5 | Oh, my kidney's her. I never do that. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, dialysis. Yeah. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, transplant. I never, never do that. Hey, Melissa, you want to go to lunch today? I can't eat. Yeah. Hey, Melissa, I want to go to the movies tonight? |
| 0:35.8 | I have dialysis. |
| 0:37.5 | Well, I think there's a good excuses. |
| 0:39.8 | I don't know what's wrong with those reasons. and eat. Yeah. Hey, Melissa, want to go to the movies tonight? I have dialysis. |
| 0:37.6 | Well, |
| 0:38.8 | I think those are good excuses. |
| 0:41.6 | I don't know what's wrong with those reasons. |
| 0:42.3 | Hey, hey, Melissa, |
| 0:42.7 | you're going to watch TV today? |
| 0:43.6 | No, |
| 0:43.8 | I'm resting for my dialysis. |
| 0:46.1 | So I, |
| 0:47.0 | you know, |
| 0:47.3 | it's not like we have proof. |
| 0:48.4 | Like we can look and go, |
| 0:49.4 | oh yeah, Look, one of the kidneys isn't working. Oh, I've got proof. You're more than welcome to come dialysis with me. I tell you, it's a lot of fun. |
| 0:55.0 | Oh, I've got proof. |
| 0:56.7 | Bert, I'll need you on that CDQ, uptrack 39 and standby with it. I'll need you to fire it for me just a moment. If you could also bring up my computer over here, I do have some sound effects that'll make the story a little more entertaining. 39 ready to fire, sir. Warp Speed 5. |
| 1:09.7 | All right. Here's the situation. |
| 1:11.9 | Melissa had some new carpeting put in our house the other day. |
... |
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