Today we have the pleasure of speaking with Blair, the “exvangelical” brains behind @TalkPurityToMe, a humorous account dedicated to unlearning the shame taught by purity culture, both on Instagram and TikTok. Purity culture, based on the belief that sex should be had only within heterosexual marriage and that all lustful thoughts before marriage are sinful, has been a theme among our Shandies' questions, so we're excited to finally have a conversation on the topic. 

With Blair's help, we unpack everything from how to go from sex being bad to suddenly a beautiful part of marriage, navigating judgment from friends and family, and the ways in which purity culture resembles abuse. If you're currently struggling to shed the shame "purity" has cursed you with, or if you experience shame but aren't exactly sure where it comes from, today's conversation just might be for you.

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More Blair:

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/talkpuritytome

- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@talkpuritytome

Time stamps:

0:00 - Welcome to Talk Purity To Me's Blair!

2:52 - Defining Purity Culture

4:54 - Blair's History With Purity Culture

10:10 - How Far Into Her Own "Deconstruction Process" Is She And Does She Still Struggle?

13:12 - Her First Sexual Experience

14:04 - What Inspired Her To Start An Account Dedicated To Unlearning Purity Culture?

15:35 - How Have Her Family And Friends Reacted?

20:39 - What Are The Most Common Themes She's Seen In Terms Of The Damage Purity Culture Can Cause?

23:52 - Has She Found A Stronger Response From A Particular Age Range?

24:14 - Have Any Responses She's Gotten Taken Her By Surprise?

25:48 - Are There Any Less Obvious Ways She Thinks Purity Culture Manifests?

27:05 - Tips For Shedding The Deeply Ingrained Mindset That Sex = Shame

29:17 - Do People Who Leave Purity Culture Tend To Swing In The Opposite Direction?

32:21 - Tips For Being More Open-Minded Sexually

35:53 - What Advice Would She Give To Someone Staying With Their First Sexual Partner Solely Due To Their History With Purity Culture?

40:28 - Tips For Trusting Your Intuition/Hearing That Inner Voice

42:06 - Was There A Pivotal Moment That Changed Her Mindset?

49:03 - Her Advice To Anyone Wanting To Go On Their Own "Deconstruction" Journey While Maintaining Meaningful Relationships With Loved Ones

51:30 - What Is Her Relationship With Christianity Like Today?

56:24 - Does She Think There's A Correlation Between Being Raised In Purity Culture And Difficulty Orgasming?

57:24 - Does She Consider Purity Culture A Form Of Abuse?

59:02 - Does It Ever Get Better?

1:01:07 - Shandy Debrief

If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com

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