Tree Sperm Took Me Out

Bloodline Banter

2M Media Group

Society & Culture, Comedy

5.0 • 657 Ratings

🗓️ 16 April 2026

⏱️ 48 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We’re back once again for another episode where we’re running on no sleep, high pollen counts, and whatever is currently attacking our sinuses from the inside out. We kick things off with sleep scores, Hannah Montana at 3AM, and the realization that wearable tech exists solely to humble you and tell you your heart is older than your body. From there, things spiral into a full breakdown of Nashville shopping, where a $12 sweatshirt magically becomes $325 the second you hang it in a boutique on 12 South. Naturally, we also cover mall fatigue, In-N-Out opinions, and why sometimes a Krystal burger just hits different… especially if the person making it looks like they’ve been through something. If nobody’s smoking outside, it’s probably not going to taste right and in fact we won’t be eating it. We also solve the zoo debate entirely by deciding that being a zoo animal might actually be the best life available (like put us in a climate controlled room, feed us, and we’re set), followed by a very passionate discussion about chicken salad, why fruit does not belong in it, and the fact that Chicken Salad Chick might be one of the finest establishments on God’s green earth. Then we take a hard left into Southern nostalgia, including boiled peanuts from a random truck on the side of the road, peanut butter banana sandwiches with mayonnaise (yes, you read that correctly), honeysuckle, blackberry picking, fig trees, and grandparents who carried salt shakers in their pocket like it was a personality trait. And just when you think we’ve covered it all, we end on the real villain of the episode… pollen. Also known as tree sperm. Also known as the reason none of us can breathe and everyone’s car looks like a banana pudding. If you’ve ever trusted a roadside boiled peanut, eaten something that shouldn’t logically taste good but does, or questioned why you’re personally being attacked by the outdoors… this episode is for you. Submit all stories, questions, and shenanigans to be featured on Cousin Counsel to bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com Get your Rock The Country tickets and come hang with us in Bellville, Texas! (https://rockthecountry.com/bellville-tx/#tickets) LETS GET SOCIAL: Bloodline Banter: Instagram - (https://www.instagram.com/bloodlinebanterofficial/) Tiktok - (https://www.tiktok.com/@bloodlinebanterofficial/) Snapchat - (https://www.snapchat.com/@bloodlinebanter) Email - (bloodlinebanter@thecastcollective.com) Landon Mauk: Snapchat - (https://www.snapchat.com/@landonmauk) Instagram - (https://www.instagram.com/itslandonmauk/) Tiktok - (https://www.tiktok.com/@landon.mauk) Facebook - (https://www.facebook.com/landonmauk/) Riley Mitchell: Snapchat - (https://www.snapchat.com/@rileygmitchell3) Instagram - (https://www.instagram.com/realrileymitchell/) Tiktok - (https://www.tiktok.com/@rileygmitchell) Facebook - (https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61562003576933) Produced and Edited by: The Cast Collective (Nashville, TN) YouTube – (‪https://www.youtube.com/@TheCastCollective) Instagram – (https://www.instagram.com/TheCastCollective) TikTok – (https://www.tiktok.com/@castcollective)

Transcript

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0:00.0	Well, I eat no
0:02.0	far!
0:03.0	Well, welcome back to
0:07.0	I didn't do nothing.
0:08.0	You're stupid.
0:09.0	I'll even love a shit, but I need no damn tuna fish on bread.
0:18.0	Well, welcome back to Bloodline Banter.
0:20.9	I'm Landon.
0:21.5	And I'm Riley. We usually never say this until the end, but make sure you're subscribed to the YouTube, follow us on Apple Podcast, listen on Spotify, do all the things because, well, we love you. Anywhere you get your podcast, we'll see you every Thursday. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, let's get into it. We're recording at, well, 10 right now, but it was 930, which means it was 8.30 for us. And, well, 8.30 for us. Yeah, we had to wake up at 8.30. What time did you wake up? Yeah, I woke up at 815, actually. And then I hit snooze once, and then I hit snooze again. and then I finally got up about 852 and then you got ready
0:57.6	quick yeah wash my hair wash my ass dress up uh take my dog to pee and come back up and
1:06.4	I'm ready to hit you anyways did you sleep good last night or no you know my sleep on my aura ring was a 78, but I really felt like it was about a 52. Really? Yeah, I woke up at 3 o'clock this morning because I had to pee because I have the bladder of an 8-year-old. And then I woke up at 5.30 because I've done that the past four days. Don't know why. The sleep monster's after me. And then 305 35 40 minutes later the sun comes beaming through your
1:33.3	window you're going to get some blackout curtains I do need to get some blackout curtains because
1:36.6	it is 2 o'clock during the day at 8 o'clock in the morning yeah I slept my o'er ring score was
1:42.4	79 just had a hair come well Well, well, no, yours was
1:45.6	79. Mine was 78. Yours was one point higher than mine. I think yours was one point higher than mine. We're in a circle. Anyways, yeah. We're in an o'erring circle and we can see each other's sleep score. And this is how Riley depends if I'm going to be on a good mood or not. Yeah, I know that if Planning's sleep score is above
1:58.9	75. He's going to be in a better
2:01.0	mood because normally it's like in
2:02.9	the 60s. Yeah, you know, I don't that if Lannin's sleep scores above 75, he's going to be in a better mood because normally
2:02.1	it's like in the 60s. Yeah, you know, I don't sleep well. It's because he watches Netflix
2:06.9	still too. Three. Okay. Four. Five or six. The other day it was, well, I was up and the Hannah
2:14.9	Montana special came out. So, hey, I have no shame in telling y'all that I started my morning the other day watching Hannah Montana. The special came out at like 3 a.m. Eastern time, 2 a.m. my time. I was already up. I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go ahead and watch it on Disney Plus. I was probably the first one to watch it. It was good. But a couple of critiques, but we're not going to critique the queen, I guess, because
2:37.0	Molly Cyrus is my celebrity crush. Yeah, she did really good.
	...

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