Tour Diary: Wild Stories from Australia and New Zealand
The Useless Hotline
Max Balegde & George Clarke
4.8 • 701 Ratings
🗓️ 12 April 2026
⏱️ 34 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
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Welcome to The Useless Hotline hosted by Max Balegde and George Clarke. A place to send your queries and dilemmas no matter how big, small, weird, or embarrassing. We can’t guarantee good advice or that you will leave a changed person, but we can guarantee that this is a useless hotline.
Subscribe and join us every Sunday as we tackle your problems head on and on occasion will be helped by some faces you may recognise on a trial shift.
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00:00 - Feeling like a mushy yogurt: opening reflections
00:12 - Tour update: halfway through Australia, Brisbane rooftop recording
00:40 - Aussie sounds: sirens, busy streets, and Melbourne-Melbourne crossover
01:30 - Youthful adventures: scooter rides in rain and birthdays in Auckland
02:50 - Wild Auckland stories: street fights, blood pools, and chaotic brawls
04:02 - New Zealand’s unique culture and stunning landscapes
05:10 - Sydney arrival: heat, traffic, and city impressions
06:45 - Australian food obsessions: yogurt, snacks, and food scene comparisons
07:55 - Meeting Robert Irwin: zoo visits, celebrity stories, and family legacy
09:20 - The passionate Irwin family and Steve Irwin’s legacy
10:50 - Fans, meet and greets, and the magnetic energy of live shows
12:30 - Funny stories of exotic encounters and local characters
13:45 - Reflections on the journey and plans to return to these incredible countries
15:00 - Wrapping up: gratitude for fans, upcoming shows, and future adventures
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I feel like a kilogram of yogurt just put in quink film. |
| 0:05.0 | So it's all like mushy and white. |
| 0:08.0 | Oh yeah. |
| 0:09.0 | And floppy and shiny. |
| 0:10.0 | But then... |
| 0:11.0 | That's how I feel. |
| 0:12.0 | Macy came the day before the show and |
| 0:15.0 | me, Andrew Masey, went to this restaurant and then we were like, |
| 0:20.0 | let's get this, let's get an electric scooter back. |
| 0:22.3 | It will be so wholesome. |
| 0:23.6 | Started absolutely pissing it down. |
| 0:25.5 | Prepare for your mind to get blown. |
| 0:29.9 | Funny thing about my mind is located in my... |
| 0:31.6 | It would be so nice to come back, just looking a little bit sexy. |
| 0:35.3 | Yeah, I just can't relate to that it just doesn't have |
| 0:38.4 | i either get a spray tan and then i look orange or i just get red and then i'm upset one day you might |
| 0:43.2 | have a child and then you can't just go around everywhere like fuck that that kid is not getting more |
| 0:49.9 | Andrew's here say Say hi. Hello. |
| 0:55.8 | And now goodbye. |
| 0:57.4 | Thank you so much for your services. |
| 0:58.2 | Thank you. |
| 0:59.4 | Hello, everybody. |
... |
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