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The God Pod

Top 10 Excuses For Not Going To Church

The God Pod

God

Humor, Comedy, News Commentary, Satire, Satan, God, News, Montypython

4.71.2K Ratings

🗓️ 24 April 2023

⏱️ 53 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

On ‘God’s Top Ten List,’ you’ll learn all the best excuses to use when you want to skip church on Sunday and work-life balance. Mary Mags joins God to discuss a lovely review about Mary from a new abortion clinic escort. On ‘Human News,’ Elon Musk’s rocket’s “rapid unscheduled disassembly” inspires jokes and memes, the Sneetches Twitter analogy, Christians demand Tennessee Republican’s resignation, Lauren Boebert gets owned by drag queens, Disney spites DeSantis with an LGBTQ event at Disneyland, and the theocratic fascist gaystapo in Missouri. You’ll get all caught up on the goings on in Heaven on ‘Heaven News.’ Mary Mags clears the air on ‘Mary Magz Newz.’ On ‘Ask God,’ you’ll learn how Mary feels about being left out of “The Last Supper” painting, if Mary gets tired of being mixed up with Jesus’ mom, and did Mary think Jesus turning water into wine was a trick. On ‘Karaoke Battle,’ God and Mary sing rewritten lyrics to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” And don’t skip God’s New Commandment! THANK YOU to our Sponsors! If you’re looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com/GODPOD The God Pod: Have It Yahweh! After 6000 years of running the universe, God realized that Satan is kicking his butt, like, really bad. Over the centuries and despite lots of trying, God has not been able to smite the forces of evil. So, he started a podcast to do just that. Full of fun and heart, the God Pod is a twice-weekly opportunity for God to hang out with his fellow deities and maybe even meet some interesting humans. NEW EPISODES MONDAYS AND THURSDAYS Join our Discord chat server: https://discord.gg/7v3Cc4pjMC The God Pod is everywhere! https://linktr.ee/godpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Today, I'm a God pod.

0:02.0

It's another dumpster fire over there, and his, his bitty fans, oh they're so annoying.

0:07.0

I have seen nicer dumpster fires.

0:09.0

Yeah, at least a dumpster fire can like keep you warm.

0:12.0

It's useful.

0:13.0

Keep you warm when it's cold when it's cold out there.

0:15.0

Keep you warm, nice trash can.

0:18.0

Roast some marshmallows and hot dogs.

0:22.0

I may have resurrected Jesus, but I still can't parallel park.

0:26.0

That meets Mary Magdalene.

0:28.0

I can't.

0:29.0

Neither can I.

0:30.0

It's hard.

0:31.0

I'm gonna be honest.

0:32.0

You know, I'm omniscient.

0:33.0

I'm a powerful all the other, all those things.

0:36.0

Parallel parking is just behind me.

0:41.0

He grew up to be a man with a big like ZZ top.

0:47.0

And even though he faced the cross he didn't want to stop.

0:53.0

Don't stop.

0:55.0

Leave him.

0:56.0

Papa.

...

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