Tom Ellis - Fatherhood, Surrogacy and Years of Therapy

How To Fail With Elizabeth Day

Sony Music

Society & Culture

4.8 • 9.4K Ratings

🗓️ 3 September 2025

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

You may know Tom Ellis as the devilishly charming lead in Netflix’s Lucifer, or as the lovable Gary in the BBC sitcom Miranda. He's also made waves in the U.S., starring alongside Gina Rodriguez in Players, and appearing in Hulu’s Tell Me Lies, created by his wife, Meghan Oppenheimer. In 2023, Tom and Meghan welcomed a daughter via surrogate, adding to his role as a proud dad of four. Now, his next big project is the star-studded film adaptation of Richard Osman’s bestselling novel The Thursday Murder Club, alongside Helen Mirren, Pierce Brosnan, and Richard E. Grant. In this episode, Tom opens up about modern fatherhood, navigating surrogacy, his fear of needles and what it's really like working on a series about sexual toxicity - with his real-life partner at the helm. ✨ IN THIS EPISODE: 00:00 Intro 01:25 From Cardiff to Hollywood 02:11 The Spiritual Journey 04:17 The Thursday Murder Club Experience 06:37 Personal Life and Surrogacy 10:20 Failures and Lessons in Sports 20:09 Discovering Acting 23:50 Being Recognised on the Street 24:04 Medical Green Card Failure 26:35 Discovering Vasovagal Condition 27:45 Becoming a US Citizen 27:54 Political Climate in the US 31:15 Working with his Wife 37:09 Financial Struggles as a Student 43:43 Cats and Family Life 💬 QUOTES TO REMEMBER: "I've had to face things that have been really uncomfortable. But I'm glad that I have done, because then I get back to a place of - this is where I should be. Acknowledging when I've been in the wrong place has been hard, but it's something that I've got better at" On therapy: "I've learned that you're just basically asking someone to ask you the questions that you're scared to ask yourself, because you probably know the answers already" 🔗 LINKS + MENTIONS: Tom Ellis stars in The Thursday Murder Club, available to watch now on Netflix Elizabeth’s upcoming one-off show at Cadogan Hall on 21 Sep for her new novel One of Us: ⁠https://www.fane.co.uk/elizabeth-day Elizabeth’s Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Join the How To Fail community: https://howtofail.supportingcast.fm/#content 📚 WANT MORE? Miranda Hart - https://link.chtbl.com/BoBbGenZ Richard Osman - https://link.chtbl.com/oo_ct3h3 Tom Daley - https://link.chtbl.com/FGrAfe6J 💌 LOVE THIS EPISODE? Subscribe on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts Leave a 5⭐ review – it helps more people discover these stories 👋 Follow How To Fail & Elizabeth: Instagram: @elizabday TikTok: @howtofailpod Podcast Instagram: @howtofailpod Website: www.elizabethday.org Substack: https://theelizabethday.substack.com/ Elizabeth and Tom Ellis answer YOUR questions in our subscriber series, Failing with Friends. Join our community of subscribers here: howtofailpod.com Have a failure you’re trying to work through for Elizabeth to discuss? Click here to get in touch: howtofailpod.com Production & Post Production Coordinator: Eric Ryan Sound Engineer: Matias Torres Assistant Producer: Suhaar Ali Senior Producer: Hannah Talbot Executive Producer: Carly Maile How to Fail is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment Production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts To bring your brand to life in this podcast, email [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	So there was probably about 20 people gathered around my mum's vagina just when we were being
0:05.9	born and my dad said you came out to an audience and you've never really stopped since then.
0:10.1	And growing up with sisters, do you think that helps you understand women?
0:14.5	Definitely.
0:15.6	How did you work all of that out?
0:19.4	Years of therapy.
0:20.7	Welcome to How to Fail, the podcast that believes, as Truman Capote did, that failure
0:25.5	is the condiment that gives success its flavour.
0:31.3	Abby's just woken up.
0:32.8	It's 731 and she's forgotten to ring the doctor.
0:35.7	There's no point ringing now.
0:37.0	She needs to get to work. But she's not worried. She's got an HSBC Premier bank account with access to digital GP appointments plus two second opinions a year should she need them. Everything's Premier when your bank account is. Search HSBC Premier. HSBC UK, opening up a world of opportunity.
0:53.2	The Doctor will see you now.
0:55.4	Apply with £100,000 annual income or £100,000 savings or investments with HSBC UK or Premier Status Broad.
1:00.9	This episode is brought to you by F&F, a brand who really resonate with me because they believe in styling it out no matter what's going on in your life.
1:10.2	And I believe in doing what I can to feel
1:12.5	happy, calm and put together. Even if I don't necessarily feel it inside all the time,
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1:25.0	and looking great while you do it. Whether you're refreshing your wardrobe
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	...

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