Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Baylor Jesse Thorn. This week, tipping

the scales of justice.

Joe and his wife, Marika, bring today's case. Marika says Joe's habit of tipping house

keeping and service workers with coins is rude and contrary to the spirit of the gesture.

Joe says, as long as he's tipping, what's the problem? Who's right? Who's wrong? Only

one man can decide. Please rise. As Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

The best tipping advice I ever got was when I was stationed in Hawaii with the Navy in the

early 60s. I was in the officers club for the first time buying drinks. This was back when

martinis were literally 15 cents. Anyway, I was going to tip the bartender at dollar,

but one of my commanding officers said, tip them $20. Remember, you're going to be a regular

here. And even though $20 was nearly half my weekly pay, I followed his advice. And then

on for the next two years of my stay, no matter how packed the club was, and it was always

packed with well-tanned women, I'd walk in and the bartender would come rushing over

and say, Mr. Cooper, what can I get you? It was the best $20 I ever spent. Baylor, if

Jesse Thorn, please swear them in. Please rise and raise your right hand. Do you swear

to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever?

I do. I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that he views all bills

under $100 as garbage? I will. Very well, Judge Hodgman. Nice work, Bill. If Jesse,

here's $100 bills for your trouble. I said $100 bills. I said $100 bills. I said $100

bills. I think that's what I said. That was terrible. Nice work, Jesse. Here's $100 bill

...