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Monday Morning Podcast

Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-26-15

Monday Morning Podcast

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.832.8K Ratings

🗓️ 27 November 2015

⏱️ 80 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Bill rambles about the history of Thanksgiving, bulimia, and dancing.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon Monday morning

0:05.6

podcast just before Friday and I'm just checking it on you. What's going on? It's the day

0:17.1

after Thanksgiving. I know I'm a day late, but you know, we had to celebrate the defeat

0:22.7

of the British yesterday with a big meal. You like that England? Remember that when we

0:32.2

kicked your ass and that third Thursday in November, all those fucking centuries ago, you showed

0:38.6

up in your dumb red blazers, right? Your big stupid hats. We hit behind rocks and trees

0:45.0

like men, right? Picking you off. And Chris Pissattix walked up, he said, I can't tell

0:50.9

the lie. I'm the one who pissed in the gravy, right? And Benedict Arnold that couldn't

0:55.9

went up and he fucking slid him here. Right? And George Washington walked over to Thomas

1:02.5

Jefferson. He said, hey, when you're done banging one of your slaves, why don't you help

1:07.8

me kick the fucking British out of here? Thomas said, okay, and he put his fucking powder

1:13.7

hat back on, right? They went out to the Potomac. George Washington standing up in the

1:19.9

boat, you know, ignoring all rules, all the rules are rowing a fucking boat. Sit down,

1:25.7

you douche. You're fucking with the ballots. We get it. We get it. We're going to do the

1:30.4

heavy lifting and you're going to take the credit because the guy on the bank doing the

1:34.2

oil painting is going to take more time with you because you're standing up. You fucking

1:37.6

ego maniac. And what business of yours? Who fucking Thomas Jefferson fucks? Huh? Do

1:45.8

you have anything about that? George, it's a matter. You upset because your wife, Martha,

1:52.4

gets some wooden teeth. And that's the story of Thanksgiving, everybody. What did it really

2:00.0

have to do? It had to do with, we were starving to death and then the Native Americans, one

2:05.4

of their biggest blunders taught us how to grow food over here. They should have just

2:09.5

let us die off, you know. How do with you make corn if? Yeah, I don't know. Just keep

...

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