Come for the pain.

Stay for the last.

Stick around and you'll never believe what'll happen next.

Rover's Morning Glory. Shizzy is coming up in just a moment, the news. What do you have on the way, do yousie?

I have a story that I know is going to annoy you. This is going to happen at the University of Maryland tonight.

What's going to take place at the commencement ceremony?

You're going to go crazy.

I'll tell you the story next.

What could it be?

You're never going to guess it, so.

It's got to be something to do with some sort of disability that they want to, like, inspire everyone.

So they're going to have a deaf mute read everyone's names, which is interesting because they can't speak.

I don't know. It's got to be something weird like that. We'll see.

All right, we'll get to that in just a moment.

I'm Brandon, says, my wife and I hired an in-home babysitter for my son when he was a baby.

And every day I'd come home and the sitter was like oh he must have just pooped and then she would leave.

It's horrible.

And John says, Rover and Charlie, it's about time you guys grew up and stopped acting like a couple of pussies regarding kids.

Doosy is right.

It's a damn good thing you two don't procreate

and leave any poor children to suffer your inequities.

I'm sure it's, you know, it's different.

...