Third-Degree Titty
Absolutely Not
Dear Media
4.9 • 13.6K Ratings
🗓️ 7 January 2026
⏱️ 70 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
On this episode, Heather welcomes 2026 with a fresh calendar and a fresh injury— her burnt titty. She celebrates the highs of Ole Miss making a national run and the lows of credit card points betraying her Japan plans. She then dives into your voicemails full of fresh starts, fiery horses, and big “new year, same bitch” energy.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The following podcast is a Dear Media production. |
| 0:06.5 | Welcome to the Absolutely Not podcast, where we do the most and the least at this same damn time. |
| 0:12.6 | I'm your host, Heather McMahon. I want to start a fire. |
| 0:34.8 | Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the absolutely not podcast. |
| 0:36.1 | I'm your host, Heather McMahon. |
| 0:40.5 | How are you? 2026, baby, new year. |
| 0:47.8 | New me. That's a lie. Same bitch. But now I got a burnt titty. We have a lot to discuss today. |
| 0:52.5 | Can't wait to get into the voicemails and hit the hotline in here where you have been up to over the break. |
| 0:54.5 | But man, I really, I really singed myself. I seared a titty coming into the new year. And I didn't think it was going to be that |
| 1:00.3 | big of a deal. But I really have a wound. So if you're watching this on YouTube, you can probably |
| 1:05.0 | see, I've got a light pink show me your moo-moo cardigan covering my breast because you can see the wound through the |
| 1:13.3 | thin tea y'all I was an idiot I really thought I was going to start this year with optimism |
| 1:19.4 | enthusiasm a sense of peace and I just totally seared my breast and if there's one life lesson that I learned, I mean, I had probably one of the worst |
| 1:31.3 | years ever, and there was so much else behind the scenes that was crumbling. |
| 1:38.3 | But had one of the just a really tough year. |
| 1:41.0 | And everybody across the board said like, bye. |
| 1:43.8 | See you later, 2025. We're done. |
| 1:46.2 | See ya. Lights out. On to the next one. And here was December 28th. I was getting ready to go |
| 1:52.0 | have dinner with a ton of my friends, very excited. And I messed up my routine. And you know I'm not a routine |
| 1:57.6 | girl, but I messed it up. I messed it up. I decided to do my hair |
| 2:03.7 | before I was going to do my makeup, which never works. I made makeup first, then hair. Even if it's |
| 2:10.7 | you got a blow dry. I will sit and let that hair air dry as long as it can before. I take a Dyson to it. |
... |
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