Thinking Out Loud: Desire vs Seeking and The Hardest Thing

ManTalks Podcast

Connor Beaton

Relationships, Mental Health, Education, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 591 Ratings

🗓️ 29 October 2020

⏱️ 13 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This week’s mini-ep is just me thinking out loud on what desire really means. It seems like our culture has built a massive framework around desire, or more accurately, built it to imply your lack of something, and therefore need to “get it”. But the big secret is the final source of contentment--the satisfaction we’ve been outsourcing for years--is only found within. To be clear, I’m not denying external hardships--particularly for people who have been oppressed by that same framework that always leaves us wanting more. What I’m saying is: whether it’s a million dollars, retweets, likes, sex partners, or [insert desire here], it’s not going to “solve” desire. Only self-compassion, silence, and awareness can do that. I hope this resonates with you. If it does, let me know on Instagram @mantalks, or better yet, leave me a rating or review! Are you looking to find your purpose, navigate transition, or fix your relationships, all with a powerful group of men from around the world? Check out The Alliance and join me today. Check out our Facebook Page or the Men's community. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify For more episodes visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter Did you enjoy the podcast? If so please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. It helps our podcast get into the ears of new listeners, which expands the ManTalks Community Editing & Mixing by: Aaron The Tech See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.
0:05.3	Remember that what you have now was once among the things you only hoped for.
0:13.0	Epicurus.
0:14.3	Welcome to the Man Talk Show.
0:15.9	I'm Connor Beaton.
0:17.1	And today we're going to talk about why it's so hard to find happiness and why it's so hard to
0:23.8	maintain that joy. We're going to talk a lot about desire and the root of desire. So what we
0:31.5	desire are not the objects themselves. And I'm going to just digress here because I think in many ways,
0:39.5	we look outside of ourselves for the path, for the way, for some resemblance of a map
0:46.5	to finding what brings us joy and what brings us happiness and contentment and peace.
0:52.6	Look into building things, becoming someone. We use substances
0:57.0	to try and create some type of spiritual experience and lost in the ever-present knowing that maybe
1:06.0	we don't know what happiness really is or how to find it. So we look into objects. We look to objects like
1:16.0	I'm buying a new car, a new phone, or finding a new partner. People fantasize all the time,
1:21.8	you know, when things go wrong within the relationship about how easy it would be with somebody
1:27.2	else.
1:27.6	And maybe they catch themselves going down the thirst trap of Instagram and, you know,
1:31.7	searching through and, you know, fantasizing about engaging in conversations with other partners.
1:36.5	But it's not the objects themselves that necessarily bring us joy or the objects
1:43.3	themselves that we actually desire,
1:45.8	but rather the return to the experience which we already are.
1:51.1	So desire itself is not inherently bad.
	...

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