Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own rebirth many years ago

and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life lessons and revelations.

I believe in casual over clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose

because self-health doesn't have to be so complicated.

What to look for when deciding on if you should invest in someone?

And number three is going to be, do they have a life?

So I have many clients and also my own story where you meet

someone, lots of feelings, lots of dopamine, enter the honeymoon stage, and it's fun, it's exciting, but when the dust settles,

if they don't have a life, meaning if they don't have their own set of friends and their

own passions.

In episode two, I talked about having a fire in your belly, but this is a little different.

I mean just just a whole life if they're not actively building a life, then what could happen is when the dust settles and the chemicals calm down,

you could experience a lot of enmeshed, you could experience a dependency, you can

become their life, or they can become yours depending on if you have a life.

And so when two people want to build a relationship together,

and they both have their own life,

and some of their life can overlap and some of it doesn't have to. What happens is kind of this unsaid healthy boundary, right? It's the idea that if you have a life then that kind of

boundary is baked in. And when you don't have a life and you're just kind of existing and you don't have a lot to look forward to,

then you kind of put all your chips on the relationship.

And then if something goes wrong in the relationship, you know, that fall, that cliff is very high.

And so it also grounds you, it also stabilizes a relationship. It also creates a better foundation.

So ask yourself, does this person have a life? And I would also say, do they have the ability to build a life, you know, because the thing is sometimes we have a life and we build and then it crumbles because life happens.

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