I've been thinking for a long time how I was going to approach this topic. And I think, just so you know,

tuning into this, that the title of the video is not clickbait. It is very literal. And so I'm

going to start off by sharing a quick story with you. And the story starts when I was 16.

And I was 16, things weren't going so great in my life.

My high school relationship was with someone who was incredibly volatile, very angry, and

she did not treat me well. And because was a 16 year old boy I was a kid

I didn't know any better and so I let a lot of that happen at home things were pretty rough

you know in my family system I didn't really feel connected in the way that I wanted to I

bounced back and forth between two families. I experienced some emotional and verbal and physical abuse. And I would hear things like, what the hell is wrong with you? You're such a stupid piece of blank. You know, how the hell could you do that? Why can't you just get your shit together, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And I heard those things on a pretty regular basis. And those things were damaging, you know, they were

harsh. I felt a lot as a kid. And I didn't really know what to do with them. You know, I felt angry. I felt hostile inside. I also

felt sad and alone because a lot of the time I was being told you're not really wanted here.

And even when you're here, you're not really getting anything right. Like I wasn't getting

stuff right with my girlfriend. I wasn't doing

well with her. You know, I knew that that wasn't going well. When I'd get into conflict at home,

I felt like I was responsible for all of that. It felt like I was at the epicenter of all the problems

in the household. And so, you know, slowly over time, shame, guilt, self-hatred really started

to take hold. And I remember one day after a pretty significant argument with my girlfriend

and another pretty significant argument with my family, with my mom and my stepdad. I remember walking

out of my house because I had just gotten into it with them and yelling and it was just, it wasn't good.

And I walked outside and I walked into the garage and what I would normally do is I'd walk

into the garage and I had a heavy bag in there. And on this, I remember walking into the garage

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