I know.

I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. It's never going to get better than this.

Kind of sad, actually. Good evening, everyone.

So police are investigating a woman's disappearance

after her husband said she fell off the boat, his boat.

Suspicion grew when officers learned the boat is named,

my wife's a bitch.

Hundreds of oil tankers are still backed up and waiting to move through the straight of Hormuz.

Have you tried lubricant? asked one man.

As the Artemis II space capsule streaks towards Earth, NASA warnrants intense friction will make re-entry dangerous.

Have you tried lubricants?

Ask one man.

I'm done.

New York mayor Zohran Mamdani plans to raise taxes on wealthy whites to fund his racial equity plan.

This is meant to complement the city's current wealth transfer plan, mugging.

Lawyers for Sean Diddy Combs claim his freak-off orgies were just amateur porn protected by the First Amendment.

And they cite the case of Johnson versus enormous Johnson.

A 95-year-old woman from South London has broken five age group world records for swimming.

And they plan to give her a medal if she ever comes back.

Another government scientist has disappeared, bringing the total to nine missing scientists.

...