The Summer Bears Takeover! w/ Stavros Halkias & Chris Distefano | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

2 Bears 1 Cave

Society & Culture, Comedy

4.8 • 23.2K Ratings

🗓️ 21 July 2025

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Check out our new summer merch at https://store.ymhstudios.com/ SPONSORS: - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/BEARS! #trueclassicpod - Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/bears - Sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/bears Tom and Bert are out for the summer, so Chris Distefano and Stavros Halkias are stepping in as your substitute Bears. In this unhinged takeover, they immediately derail the show with tales of cholesterol-fueled delusion, Nazi neighbors in Queens, circumcision conspiracies, radical acceptance, berberine powder, and why 4th of July is the real American holiday (sorry January 6). The boys debate who’s the Bert and who’s the Tom in their pairing, accidentally rank the world’s races, and somehow end up talking about diabetes, Greek shame, and Japanese war crimes—all before diving into engagement stories, dad stress, and the magic of getting fat on purpose. Also, Bert checks in from his deathbed to interrupt and tells them to talk about Indian people. This episode is chaos in shorts. True summer vibes. No lessons, no structure—just greasy hot dogs, high blood pressure, and fat guy fun. It's going to be a wild summer! 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 298 https://tomsegura.com/tour https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:00 - Who's The Tom & Who's The Bert? 00:08:23 - The Gay Family Man 00:13:56 - Bert's Request 00:21:43 - My War Criminal Neighbor 00:27:19 - Epstein Lists, Toothless Looks, & Fat Guy Speedballs 00:34:49 - We're Just Slowly Dying 00:45:19 - Fourth Of July 00:53:33 - Radical Acceptance 00:58:53 - Chrissy D's Favorite Holiday 01:05:11 - Wrap Up Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	100%
0:01.2	Cheers
0:02.2	Hello everybody and welcome to two bears one cave
0:08.3	Summer Edition you fucking pussy's
0:11.1	That's right
0:12.1	Me and Chrissy D are here
0:13.8	We're your substitute teachers
0:15.5	That's it
0:16.0	All right let's roll out
0:17.0	Let's roll out finding Nemo in French class
0:19.3	We don't give a fun
0:20.3	You're not learning shit for six weeks.
0:22.2	Yes.
0:22.5	And a lot of you guys have thought, uh, we just actually got news. We just got a text from Josh Zolo, uh, who looks like Benson Boone. Um, we just got, we just, Benson spoon. Benson spoon. Benson. Benson, if he hit the fucking frozen yoghers a little bit.
0:19.3	You're not even fat, Josh, but Benson Boone is an acrobat.
0:22.4	Yes. We just got... Benson Spoon? Benson Spoon. Benson, if he hit the fucking frozen yogurt a little bit.
0:38.2	You're not even fat, Josh, but Benson Boone is an acrobat. He's a shredded Mormon, but you do have a couple jowls compared to him. Let's pull up the side by side. We'll put that up in pose. Benson Spoon. Benson Spoon. So we got... A lot of you guys have always thought that it was going to be Bert Kreischer who died at any moment.
0:38.4	But we just got news.
0:39.3	Tom Seguer actually died. Wow. Yeah, he's dead, dude. He was doing a, he was doing a ritual for Moloch. Yeah, he was. No, he was doing it, he was doing it your mom's house live, and it got too crazy. Yeah. And somebody just shit right in his eyelids. And he's died of sexes.
0:54.2	All the mentally disabled sex criminals they have. and it got too crazy. And somebody just shit right in his eyelids.
1:12.6	And he's died of sexes. All the mentally disabled sex criminals they have to make, propping up that show,
1:17.3	rebelled and ralmed to death.
	...

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