Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Vale of Jesse Thorn. This week, the statute

of physical limitations. Shumine brings the case against her husband, John. Shumine has

a chronic illness that's limited her physical activity in the past, but she's recently

been able to take up running. Now she has her heart set on an endurance race to take

full advantage of her newfound abilities. Her husband objects to her participation. John

worries about the risks to her health and thinks she should save her energy for a more

worthy form of exercise. Should Shumine run the endurance race? Only one man can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

This is the internet. That's all it is. For two years, we've told them what to eat,

what to drink, what to wear, what pie holes to shut. For Christ's sake, Vale of Jesse,

should understand Americans love fake internet justice. They wean their kids on it. Listen,

they love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we

do? We give them what they want. Word number one, Vale of Jesse. That's all that counts.

Believe me, I've been in the business for two years. Please rise and raise your right

hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

so help you God or whatever? I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's

ruling, despite the fact that the only running he does is to tell his man servant to run

on his behalf? I do. I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman.

Thank you very much, Vale of Jesse. Hello, complainant and defendant. Who is the complainant?

Is it Shumine? Yes. All right. And John, you are the defendant? Yes.

For an immediate summary judgment in your favor, John or Shumine can either of you name

the particular piece of culture that I paraphrased as I entered the courtroom? No. It does sound

...