The Road Less Triggered with Dr. Kelly Flanagan Ep. 709
Awesome Marriage Podcast
Dr. Kim Kimberling
4.9 • 802 Ratings
🗓️ 20 January 2026
⏱️ 60 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
I'm so thrilled to have Dr. Kelly Flanagan back on the show. Today he is talking about his newest book The Road Less Triggered, focusing on the importance of recognizing and managing emotional triggers in relationships. The work of faith, self awareness, and compassion is vital in our relationships. Dr. Flanagan shares how to stay engaged, remain soft, and practically manage conflict in a way that brings connection to your marriage.
Episode Highlights:
Understanding Triggered Moments in Relationships
Your body is an early warning system
Living in the security of God's unconditional love provides a foundation of safety.
The posture of your heart affects how you receive communication.
Quotes from This Episode:
Most relationship conflict isn't like D-Day—it's more like Groundhog Day. We keep repeating the same patterns until we decide to break the cycle.
The heart of this work is restoring a sense of choice—the power to keep your heart open, even when you're triggered and it feels impossible.
A response is the fruit of self-regulation. A reaction is a failure of self-regulation.
You can't connect if you're protecting. Openness is required for real connection.
Our culture pushes us to blame others, but real progress comes from taking personal responsibility for how we show up.
Until we move out of being triggered and back into connection mode, we'll keep self-sabotaging every attempt to connect.
Becoming a safe environment for the people you love inspires them to open their own hearts—and builds true connection.
Seeing the ways we differ as sources of complementary wisdom, not flaws to be fixed, can revolutionize your relationship.
Questions for Conversation:
- Think about a recent moment in your marriage where you felt triggered. What physical or emotional signals did your body give you, and how might noticing these earlier help you respond rather than react?
- Consider a way your spouse differs from you that has caused tension. How could reframing that difference as complementary wisdom rather than a flaw shift your approach and deepen your connection?
TRIGGER CHALLENGE: Together, identify one habit or action that makes each of you feel safe and heard. Commit to practicing that habit in your interactions over the next week, then reflect on how it affected your connection.
Mentioned in this Episode:
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Connect with Dr. Kelly Flanagan
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Marriage need a reset so you can reconnect? This month's 4 Week Connection Challenge helps you and your spouse intentionally reconnect emotionally, physically, and spiritually—one simple, meaningful step at a time. Start closing the distance and rebuilding the intimacy you're longing for today.
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Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. You and your spouse differ and that's a good thing. Find out how to Celebrate Differences in Marriage, rather than allow them to divide.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | It used to be that I thought I wanted to make my wife happy. |
| 0:05.3 | And now that is secondary to I want to make my wife feel safe. |
| 0:11.0 | Becoming the safe environment in which our people show up is such a powerful way to encourage their own open-heartedness, their own connection mode. If they feel safe, |
| 0:22.4 | they're not going to go into protection mode for the most part. And now because the odds of |
| 0:26.5 | connection go up dramatically. So safety is an essential ingredient in being able to open one's |
| 0:32.9 | heart. If I'm rooted in that faith that all is okay, that I am okay, that I am fundamentally love, |
| 0:40.7 | the sense of safety I experience in that moment can transcend this moment of communication with my wife. |
| 0:46.6 | And in that place of safety, there's an increased chance that I get to stay in a calm mode, |
| 0:52.0 | in a connection mode. |
| 0:53.0 | It helps me to keep my heart open. |
| 0:55.4 | So are you feeling like the spark in your marriage is fading? |
| 0:59.0 | My four-week connection challenge can help you close that distance. |
| 1:02.7 | Each week, you and your spouse will focus on a new way to reconnect, emotionally, spiritually, through fun, and even physically. |
| 1:09.9 | So don't let busyness steal your closeness. |
| 1:12.7 | Jump into the four-week connection challenge and start rebuilding the intimacy that you've been longing for in your marriage. |
| 1:19.1 | Welcome today's awesome marriage podcast. |
| 1:21.5 | I am so thrilled to have my longtime friend Dr. Kelly Flanagan joined me today. |
| 1:25.9 | Kelly is a clinical psychologist. |
| 1:27.6 | He's an author. |
| 1:28.2 | He's a coach and a speaker with over 20 years of experience, |
| 1:32.0 | helping people strengthen the relationships. |
| 1:34.6 | He's the best-selling author of Lovable. |
... |
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