The Right Time To Have Sex: What We Learned The Hard Way (So You Don't Have To)

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 15 May 2026

⏱️ 28 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We often get the question—when is the right time to have sex? In this episode we're digging into what we wish we knew when it came to sex, timing and the intimacy / expectations that come from it. We're discussing the challenge that comes from outdated rules like having sex on the third date, why its less about timing and more about the connection you've built, and how to feel more emotionally confident broaching the subject / deciding together that the time is right. Enjoy! - Take the Dating Archetypes quiz now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:54.4	In my 20s, I treated sex like a milestone I had to time perfectly.
1:00.1	Not too soon, not too late.
1:02.6	Like there was some formula that would guarantee a relationship.
1:06.2	But what I didn't realize is it was never about the timing.
1:10.5	It's about what I thought sex would secure afterwards because no one talks about that part. Sleeping with someone doesn't create clarity. It amplifies what was already there. And the better question is, are you ready for the truth it reveals? When to sleep with someone, that's what we're digging into today.
1:29.2	I'm Julie. And I'm UA, and we're sharing what we learned the hard way so you don't have to,
1:36.6	especially around. Am I sleeping with them too soon? Should I sleep with them? Is this going to put me
1:43.9	in a different bucket? I used to worry about that a lot. Is that going to put me in the fling situation ship bucket if I sleep with them too soon? But then also, again, what's too soon?
1:54.0	You know, I was kind of surprised when we did a live show. This was in 2019 before COVID completely derailed live shows for a bit. We did our
2:04.4	first live show. Those are supposed to be a whole little series. And we had someone ask a question in the audience. Actually, now that I'm
2:11.8	thinking about it, I swear this also happened at one of our book events recently. I think it did. So it's, I guess. Yeah, it did. Because we
	...

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