S22E14: Bringing The Magic Back To Dating

Dateable: Your insider's look into modern dating and relationships

Yue Xu and Julie Krafchick

Science, Social Sciences, Health & Fitness, Sexuality, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.7 • 910 Ratings

🗓️ 12 May 2026

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

We've gotten so good at being intentional about dating, but in the process we've lost the magic. Today we're discussing how dating isn’t just about waiting for sparks or optimizing every move –it’s about finding the balance between the two. We dive into the tension between chasing serendipity and over-strategizing your love life, why leaning too far in either direction can leave you feeling stuck or unfulfilled, and how to see where you fall on the serendipity to strategy scale to create space for both spontaneity and purpose, Enjoy! ---- Take our Dating Archetypes quiz: https://howtobedateable.com/ Read our book: How To Be Dateable: The Essential Guide To Finding Your Person and Falling in Love: https://howtobedateable.com/ Try the Dateable AI Dating Coach: Get personalized advice trained on our years of podcast episodes, courses and frameworks: https://studio.com/dateable Follow us @dateablepodcast, @juliekrafchick and @nonplatonic. Check out our website for more content. Also listen to our other podcasts The Psychology of Relationships and Exit Interview available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. WE WROTE A BOOK! HOW TO BE DATEABLE (Simon & Schuster) is available now: https://howtobedateable.com/ Want to remove distractions from your dates? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/DATEABLE Our Sponsors: * Avocado Green Mattress: Check out their mattress and furniture sale: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/DATEABLE * Get Rain of Shadows and Endings wherever books are sold or at Kensington Publishing https://www.kensingtonbooks.com * Quince: Get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com/dateable * Ruggable: Get 10% off your first order, sitewide, with promo code DATEABLE at https://ruggable.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, I'm U.E. Shue. And I'm Julie Kraftchick. We're active daters turned dating insiders. Here to dive into everything, modern dating and relationships. Welcome to Datable.
0:14.8	Hello, friends. Welcome back to another episode of Datable.
0:21.8	We are going to be discussing striking the balance between magic, serendipity, and then being strategic and intentional.
0:32.0	Because we want both. But then there is a fine line between when is it too much waiting for that
0:40.8	magic to happen and when are you being too strategic? I'm so, so glad that we're diving into
0:46.5	this topic because I feel like we keep alluding to it. We're like, the magic is missing at
0:51.3	dating and everything's a date review. It's so like dating is another job.
0:55.9	It's work. But I also think just going in with no plan is not a plan either. Because I feel like
1:02.6	for years, I was not intentional in dating. And I'm just like, I'll just see who likes me.
1:07.8	And I'll just go with it. And that was not a good strategy either. So I'm really glad
1:12.9	that we're like going there because I think this tension of both is where dating does break down for
1:20.1	people because, you know, you have too much magic thinking is chaotic and then too much strategy kills attraction and unfortunately at this
1:31.2	moment in time everybody sits at opposite sides of the spectrum yes it's like one or the other yeah
1:37.1	you either get the people who've opted out of dating and said i'll just wait for things to happen
1:42.2	if it's meant to be it's meant to be i will attract the things to happen. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I will attract
1:45.6	the things to happen and deliver to my front door. Or you get the people who got the checklist,
1:52.0	spreadsheets, algorithms, AI working for them and being very strategic and intentional about finding
1:59.3	their partner. And we totally understand why, because you're
2:03.5	getting two schools of thought in everything that we see in media. It's always like, manifest,
2:09.8	leave it to the universe when the stars align, or the other one that's like, be more intentional,
2:16.0	be, you know, really have a strategy, a goal in mind,
2:19.8	work towards your goals. So that's why we have this great divide today. So I wanted to talk
	...

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