It's always good to just have in your mind the principle that we tend not to opt for things that

make us happy. We opt for things that make us feel at home and comfortable and feel familiar.

And the things that feel like home to us or familiar to us couldn't be terrible.

You know, depending on how we've grown up or what influences we've had,

our normal can be really, really tough.

It could be something that, it could be chronic anxiety.

It can be chaos.

It can be someone making us have to earn their love.

It can be someone who's inconsistent and, you know,

it goes cold for days on end and then gives us a little hit of affection

and it feels amazing. And that can be what we're used to. And so when we say, why do I keep doing

this? Why do I keep going for people that are bad for me? It's, it's, there's nothing, you're not broken. You're just doing what we all do,

which is, you know, I list in, in a chapter called never satisfied in the book. I list some of

the reasons why we keep gravitating towards people who are bad for us.

One of them being a scarcity mindset, as you mentioned, that when we think nothing else is coming along, we tend to settle for what's right in front of us.

When the second reason is we choose bad people or people who treat us poorly because it's what we know.

And that's not just like some self-confidence issue or a self-worth issue.

It's a, you know, if a dolphin in a tank might grow up learning that to get a fish, it has to do backflips or jump through a hoop

and then humans will feed it a fish with that dolphin was released into the ocean tomorrow and it

started doing backflips or swimming up to boats for food that could be fatal it we wouldn't say

the dolphin had a self-worth problem. We would say this

dolphin is doing what it knows. And it doesn't differentiate between the ocean and the tank.

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