The Myth That Self-Hatred "Works"

Women's Dating And Confidence Podcast

Amber Grubenmann

Boyfriend, Relationship, Hookup, Mental Health, Relationships, Health & Fitness, Confidence, Women, Sex, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Marriage, Date, Men, Dating, Education, Conversation, Love

4.8 • 525 Ratings

🗓️ 28 December 2018

⏱️ 19 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When I was in High School I used to write letters of hate to myself to try and motivate myself to eat less and be skinnier. In a sense it did "work" because I lost weight. But if we look at the big picture it did more damage than good. I lost weight in a really unhealthy way, I gained the weight back quickly, and developed an unhealthy relationship with food. If you are working towards a goal you will have to face two things: rejection and mistakes. Self-love and compassion allows you to re...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi everybody. Thank you for tuning into the women's dating and confidence podcast. Today, I want to talk about the myth that self-hatred works, meaning that it's useful, that it can motivate you, and that it
0:23.4	helps you get the results that you want. And specifically, I want to apply this to dating. So today,
0:29.6	I want to share with you a personal story, and I'm sharing this with you so you can get a sense
0:35.4	of how much I hated myself or how much I hated
0:39.0	on myself as an action. And the reason that I was doing that was because I thought it was
0:45.2	useful in some way. I thought it would help me get the results that I wanted. And oddly enough,
0:50.8	I thought hating myself would make me happier because then I could motivate myself
0:56.6	to get the things that I thought I needed to be happy and then I could stop hating myself.
1:02.6	So in high school, I had my first boyfriend and I was head over heels and it was kind of one of
1:09.6	those relationships where I was very young and we didn't
1:14.4	have a lot in common so I was kind of more just excited about the fact that I had a boyfriend and I
1:20.4	felt very validated by the fact that I had a boyfriend. So I was just like very, very excited about him.
1:29.8	Anyways, about a month into a relationship, he and I went swimming.
1:35.7	And I remember talking to my best friend, Julia, which she was in episode 40, I talked about
1:42.2	everything I've learned from her.
1:44.0	But I remember talking to her
1:45.6	and telling her, I'm kind of worried about going swimming because I had lost 10 pounds over the
1:52.3	summer, which I needed to lose. I was 10 pounds overweight. But then once we were going swimming,
1:58.4	I was actually at a very healthy, slim weight, and I was eating very healthy, and I got really into jogging swimming, I was actually at a very healthy slim weight and I was eating very
2:02.5	healthy and I got really into jogging and I was jogging for like an hour every day. So it was very
2:07.8	healthy. And I was still a little bit nervous because I've just always kind of had like a little bit
2:14.3	of a tummy. Like I've never had a completely flat stomach. I've never been one of those
	...

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