I think we need to start from square one, which is how I said in the intro is I think we as women need to work on ourselves first. In fact, not even women. I think people in order to have a successful relationship really need to work on ourselves, because we bring in so much past into our current relationship, things that happen in our childhood, bad relationships. We can't help but bring them into our new ones. And I think that that's our first fundamental mistake. So I'd like to start with you, Steph, you have a quote which just really hit me. You said, don't let the fear of being alone be greater than your own self-respect. Love yourself enough to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. So let's talk about that step one. How did you come to that conclusion, especially based on everything you have gone through in your past? I think your past always dictates your future. And I got to a point where I sat down and said, I've had enough. And I don't want to be lonely and I don't want to be sad. And I don't want to hate myself anymore. But I don't want to be with all these terrible people and to try to like define myself worse. I had to find that in myself and realize I was good enough to find somebody that would treat me amazing. Because initially did you find that you were looking for that self worthworth from somebody else? Absolutely. I wanted someone that loved me so bad. My parents divorced when I was nine years old and my dad didn't want to be a dad anymore. He left. So if the one person who's supposed to love you on the entire planet more than anyone else leaves, what does that tell you? I always believed I wasn't worthy of love because I couldn't get it from him anymore. And it shattered me because I was a true daddy's girl. I loved my dad. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to go everywhere with him. So when he left, it was like I was trying to seek validation and have someone just love me. I I wanted to be loved by a guy because I didn't have that. And so I just sought out shitty relationships because that's what I thought I deserved. Do you find that a lot Emily and the people that you talk to? Yeah, you know, it's funny because we are all destined to repeat things from our past. Like childhood, you know, our parents' relationships. I mean, I feel like in a way, rather than fighting it, it'd be so great if people understood that we're all going to have issues to work on. So I would like hang on to people that felt familiar. Like I was so afraid of abandonment that I would shut down. And I had to learn that after time,

either you keep doing it, you check it,

and you go, you know what,

this is no longer serving me.

And then you stop, and then that's when you keep doing the work.

And I think it is a lifelong process.

So yes, I find it all the time,

you gotta do the work, hopefully,

if you have those kinds of insights.

So yeah, it's very common. Yeah, they'll repeat these things and then we've got to learn. Now, what I find fascinating and really impactful is that you're sorry, man, you hit, I mean, rock bottom, like that's what I couldn't even think of anything more rock bottom than that. So if you don't mind just taking us through quickly that scenario, like how you felt about yourself and what that transition was in your mindset to then pick yourself back up metaphorically

and actually physically and then start to shift your mindset of what your worth is.

So I don't know how I survived it to begin with. I have no idea to this day

why I'm here. I woke up and I was really confused and I ended up getting in my car and driving to my mom's house and it was very clear that I had something happened. My neck was had bruises and cuts across my neck so I had to tell my mom what had happened. And I told her and she looked at me and she's like, you have a purpose and you need to find out what it is. And that really made me think because at that point I was like, I still don't want to be here. No one loves me. I don't want to be here. And so I just kept living life and living life and I kinda started dating people that weren't scary but weren't safe. And I woke up one day and said, this is bullshit. Was it literally just like one day? One day I woke up and I said, I'm done. I don't want to be this person anymore. I hate hating myself. I am with the most terrible people. Why am I doing this to myself? If you have a choice, choose differently. So I just had to choose differently. I started writing and writing about what I wanted in my life and what I wanted in a mate and how I how to be happy. And so I sat on on this journey and I was for the first time in my life I was fine being alone. I was like I'm gonna be alone no matter what even if somebody I think is attractive comes along. If they're not worthy of my love I'm not to give it. So I truly just didn't want to date. So I met my husband and instantly he was like, let's be vulnerable and let's tell each other everything. And I put the walls up because I was so terrified. And you know, he would talk me into putting the walls outside kind of peak over the wall a little bit. And he was the first person I told about being molested and everything. I finally just let him in. And we both were just broken sad people. And we just wanted more for our lives. We wanted to be happy. We wanted to document our journey. We wanted to be more and have more and do more and just do great in the world and just have the most incredible marriage. Yeah. And we really do. We've been together for 15 years. It's amazing. Yeah, I mean, do you have come from what you've had to endure and then be able to change and adapt and grow as a human to be able to bring the best part of you to the relationship is amazing. And I think that that's what's so hard for people, right? Is that they start from a place of not feeling worthy to be loved or they start from a place of, you know, I mean, let's, in fact, let's talk about being the victim, right? Because initially, you get people that are always like,

why do I always find the wrong guy? And I bet you hear this all the time. Yeah, I mean, it's like, I mean, here's the thing that's why I said eventually, you're 50% of the equation. So if you keep finding the wrong person, guess what the one constant is. It's like you, you keep showing us. There is this notion society that we in our culture,

that we have to find someone to complete us,

that we are not complete until we find someone else. And so it's like, oh, I felt my, I found my other half. And I think that is so wrong that we need to be our whole selves before we can truly attract who we want and who we want. And most of when I say, hold, it's like like at least it's that self love part. Now that you're not always working on it,

you're always working.

But if you think this person's gonna complete me

and make me happy and fill me up in all the ways,

I feel empty, all these empty holds, it doesn't work like that. So I think that's so beautiful. Yeah, you'll eventually just crash. You'll be on the high of I'm so in love.

This is so amazing.

And once your issues come in together,

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