I'll be real real honest with you and tell you that I never expected to be one that would break down.

I always thought it was other people. I've had years of mostly consistent

ministry. My highs aren't real high, my lows aren't real low. I just year after year,

decade after decade have been blessed by God to just be consistent. I never thought that I would be

one to break down. Others may be, but not me. And on the outside, most people didn't even know,

because I still showed up and did what I know how to do and I preached and I looked healthy and

my marriage with Amy has been good and was good and on the outside, everything looked exactly the

same, but on the inside, it was nothing but sheer panic. And I didn't see it coming, all I

know is that it was a little by little year over year. There's a little more and then a little

more and then a little more and then a little more and then a little more and then a little more

and then a little more and then a little more and then I thought maybe it's too much and then

there was a little more and then I thought I can't continue like this and there was a little more

and then I thought this is going to get me and then there was a little more and then I thought

this will probably kill me like it's going to kill me. So is that too real?

Do we have to play like church halo thing and I get super pastor and I don't have real problems?

Can we go there? I thought I was going to kill me and so here I am almost three decades into

ministry and I need help and I was embarrassed like I'm the pastor, you know, not just a Christian,

but I'm the pastor and sadly there are some of you that can relate right now. There's a lot of

people that can relate. We're outwardly, you're still showing up and you're still smiling and

you're still trying to do your job but inwardly you're battling real depression or ongoing kind

of chronic anxiety or you just feel just stressed. There's just too much like you just can't handle

it all like you might just snap, you might just burn out. If you find yourself struggling mentally,

...