Hi, this is Janet Lansfrey. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I'm going to be addressing three different

notes from parents. These are all about children that are struggling with peers, being aggressive

towards them in group situations. They're showing their parent that they need help,

that they're not able to manage these situations, at least not at that time. All these parents

have reached out to me because they're not sure about how to help, how much they should be

helping, and what that would look like.

So that's what I want to address today. It's really this idea that children, in this case

pretty blatantly, will show us when they're overwhelmed, when they need help, and they

show it to us through behaviors that they know are not positive

behaviors. Children learn very early on from the reactions they get from us, that first time that they

hit or push us, that these are not welcome behaviors. They learn that very quickly. So why do

children get stuck doing things that they know they're not supposed to be doing

that could be upsetting to other children or harmful to other children? And certainly don't win our

approval, right? Why do they do this? What do they need from us? That's what I'm going to be

talking about. So here's the first note. This was on Instagram.

Hi, I've just bought your book and it's been unbelievably insightful. My highly sensitive,

highly determined, almost three-year-old is really struggling at the moment. His sister arrived

four months ago, no surprise for the struggle.

When we go to public play areas, parties, soft play, etc., he seems to get completely overwhelmed.

He becomes angry at me if I try to help.

He doesn't want redirecting.

He really doesn't like other children, will growl at them, and generally use his body weight to shove

...