Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I have a question from a parent. It's about her son who is very strong-willed, high-energy, independent, all positives. But the other side of that coin is she has a hard time getting him to, quote, listen.

His behavior is unmanageable at times, and she wonders how she can get him to listen without,

quote, killing his free spirit.

Okay, here's the email.

Hi, Janet.

I've recently enjoyed listening to your podcast, unruffled,

and reading your book No Bad Kids. It's a really refreshing approach to parenting. The issue I'm having

is that my four-year-old is very strong-willed and independent, which of course can be a good thing.

I don't have to encourage him to do anything he jumps right in. I just find it difficult when I try to

rain in all that energy and get him to listen to me. For example, we take a lot of nature

walks with friends. He will run ahead and just keep going, not stopping when I tell him to stop.

I find myself yelling because it's a safety issue, leaving me with the only option to hold his hand,

leave, or let him keep running. He's always done a lot of attention-seeking behavior as well,

even if he's getting attention, such as yelling. I find myself telling him,

you're not listening frequently and don't want to be saying this. How do I help a strong-willed,

independent child do just that? Listen. I feel at a loss and so overwhelmed. He's so much

fun, he really is. I especially get overwhelmed when we are out with friends that have high

expectations for behavior. They have more mellow kids. I should add that I have a

one-year-old daughter, who of course takes up a lot of my time. Please help me find a way for him to

listen without killing his free spirit. I really want your methods to work and to have peace. I hope they are not

just for, quote, easier kids. He's like three and one. Ha, ha.

If you were to ask, who pulled the fire alarm, it would be my kid for sure. Thank you so much.

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