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Simon Mayo's Confessions

The green green grass of home & other tales

Simon Mayo's Confessions

Bauer Media

Comedy

4.91.3K Ratings

🗓️ 27 March 2026

⏱️ 46 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo, Sister Suzi, Sister Holly and Brother Matthew for another round of sins, five-star reviews, parish noticeboard gossip… and the dreaded Not For Broadcast pile.

First, Tony’s half-term Lanzarote breakfast goes nuclear when a Tabasco bottle takes a Tom Daley-style dive into the Rice Krispies.

Then Helen, armed with a hospital litre of water and perimenopausal panic, misreads a sign and accidentally storms the gents… with a bold new accent.

Plus: We also get an accidental repeat of Jeff's confession, where he get mistaken for a blind man (Father Simon needs to work on his filling system)

And Greenkeeper R attempts naked mowing in Sweden…

Got a confession? Send it to confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk.

Transcript

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0:00.0

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0:25.4

peak save. On every Sunday, it's the smart thing to do if you're regular folk, or furry and blue.

0:33.2

11 till 4, let the good times begin. You could charge up the car or take the dryer for a spin.

0:39.9

Half-price electricity, what joy that brings. With British gas peak save, we're taking care of things.

0:47.3

Teas and C supply, eligible tariffs and smart meter required.

0:50.5

What's on TV? The answer is a lot. There's never been more choice ever what to put on the box with an abundance of great new shows, but you can miss them all if you don't know where to look. And that's where the pilot TV podcast comes in, your essential guide to every show that matters. Each week, we sift through the very best in Prestige TV to help you decide what's worth spending your time on and what isn't. So join me, James Dyer, as well as venerable TV critics, Boyd Hilton and Kay Ribeiro,

1:14.3

and let us help take the stress out of your downtime.

1:17.0

The Pilot TV podcast, because you can't watch everything.

1:20.9

You can't do much in under five minutes.

1:23.2

Boil an egg, sure, cook a roast dinner, no chance.

1:27.1

But comparing car insurance prices with mustard.com.ukuk, UK, easy. Sure. Cook a roast dinner? No chance. But comparing car insurance prices with

1:29.1

mustard.co.com. U.K.? Easy. See what you could save in just a few minutes. Click mustard.com.

1:35.7

U.K. Authorized and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. See website for details.

1:41.3

A Rayo Original podcast.

1:44.5

Step into our confessional. Confess all. We won't tell anyone. Just the entire nation.

1:51.1

From Greatest Hits Radio, Simon Mayo's Confessions. That's right, that's what it is.

1:56.5

Welcome to the Confessions podcast. Brought to you by your friends at Greatest Hids Radio,

2:00.9

consistently voted the best podcast in the UK involving this kind of thing. Sister Susie is in the pub. There she is, look. Yeah, I am indeed. Although she's actually in the studio. Brother Matthew is in his gutter. There he is, look. Yes, I am, look. And Sister Holly is guarding the cupboard of tat. There she is over there, look. Absolutely, yeah.

2:17.4

And we'll be stopping at the Par notice board for all the latest notices and the five-star reviews,

2:22.9

particularly the ones that seem to praise Matt.

2:25.7

See if you can count how many he reads in a strange voice this week.

2:28.7

Yes.

...

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