Missionary Impossible & other tales
Simon Mayo's Confessions
Bauer Media
4.9 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 3 April 2026
⏱️ 51 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Landing in your inbox on Good Friday (or whenever you’re brave enough to press play), Simon Mayo and the Confessions Collective are back with Parish Notice Board gossip, five-star reviews, and a Not For Broadcast pile that should probably come with protective gloves. First: a wholesome family holiday in Cornwall goes slightly… medicinal when a sleep-deprived dad reaches for teething gel in the dark and finds something very much meant for the other end of the baby. Then we head to Venezuela for Missionary Impossible: cockroaches, bug spray, matches, a fireball, and the discovery that “safety bucket” can become “flaming water”. Plus: canal piracy involving stolen mooring pins, and a Christmas morning rest-home mystery featuring a missing Jane… found in the car. Got a confession? confessions@greatesthitsradio.co.uk
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | An engineer round the corner whenever you need. |
| 0:03.0 | British gas have over 6,000 on route at speed. |
| 0:06.0 | Fixing lights that won't light or have started to blink, |
| 0:10.0 | a pipe with a leak and that weird smell under the sink. |
| 0:13.0 | If your boilers kaput and your blue fur needs a rinse, |
| 0:17.0 | we've got your back to stop that cold water wince. |
| 0:20.0 | You don't need to be a customer. |
| 0:22.1 | We can help you too, taking care of things. |
| 0:25.2 | It's what British gas do. |
| 0:27.0 | T's and C supply 6,000 engineers correcters of Jan 2026. |
| 0:30.5 | Babe, it's Jim. |
| 0:32.1 | Just voice-noting you because I'm so busy. |
| 0:35.0 | I can't even type right now. |
| 0:36.9 | I'm working on that big presentation for my new launch. |
| 0:40.3 | I'm making it on Canva Mobile like you suggested. And it's making everything iconic. |
| 0:46.8 | So it's a bit noisy, babe. Mabst is going off. Anyways, I'm going to ping the presentation to you now so you can see what I mean. Yeah, madame. Got to go, hon. Thanks for introducing me to Canva. Love you. Hello, I'm Sarah Cox. I'm Claire Hamilton. I'm do my serious voice there. Claire, we've got 30 seconds to tell everybody about the Teen Commandments podcast. Come on. It's basically about, well, being parents of teenagers. Yeah, we've got five between us. Yes. Sometimes it can be tough. Yeah, it can be horrific. Yeah, it can be. It can also be very funny. So we talk about that as well. We also go back in time and confess a lot about our own teenage years, a lot of nostalgia in there. It's rather gorgeous. |
| 1:28.8 | It's every Monday and Wednesday. |
| 1:29.5 | Come join the phone. |
| 1:31.0 | Listen, wherever you get your podcasts. |
| 1:35.7 | You can't do much in under five minutes. |
| 1:36.7 | Boil an egg. |
| 1:37.3 | Sure. |
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