And now the Flop House Movie Minute.

Today on the Flop House Movie Minute, instructions on how to make your own Flop House.

Reading your own Flop House can be a simple and fun rainy day activity for the whole family,

provided that your family is a legal drinking age and engages in a lot of casual swearing.

First, choose a title for your podcast.

The title should follow Principal Skinner's advice on the Simpsons.

It should seem witty at first, but seem less funny every time you hear it.

It should also contain a pun on the word flop, meaning that you'll have to explain to people over and over again

that, yes, they're right that a particular movie was a box off the success,

but that you also cover critical flops.

This will help you maintain an adversarial relationship with your devoted audience.

Next, you should pick a film to review.

Try to pick a movie that was lousy, but still major enough to justify you beating up on it.

Some poor indie filmmaker probably has enough problems about three jerks who have never made a movie rousing him.

Ideally, the film should star Hayden Christensen, Dane Cook, or Jessica Alba.

Science fiction, thrillers, and horror movies usually provide the best comic ammunition,

whereas comedies should only be used to torture a flop house guest hosts.

Then, you need to assemble a group of three co-hosts.

Your team should be comprised of a strategy game store manager with a low Seth Rogan-like voice,

a writer-producer from a hit cable news satire program who sort of sounds like an old-time newsboy,

and a largely unsuccessful comedy writer with a pleasant baritone,

except for when he erupts in girlish giggles, which is all the time.

...