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Judge John Hodgman

The Fight to Remain Silent

Judge John Hodgman

Jesse Thorn

Complete, Hodgeman, Show, Information, Pc, Expertise, More, Hodgman, Knowledge, World, Mac, Daily, Comedy

4.87.7K Ratings

🗓️ 7 January 2026

⏱️ 49 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Does miming make for good podcasting? Walter thinks it might! Eileen is happy for any silence from Walter. She says he talks too much!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff, Jesse Thorne. This week, the fight to remain

0:08.0

silent. Eileen brings the case against her friend Walter. Eileen says Walter talks too much. Recently,

0:17.4

she asked him to remain silent for three minutes.

0:21.9

But after one minute passed, Walter made mouth noises to capture Eileen's attention.

0:30.8

Eileen says that he failed her challenge.

0:34.1

Walter says that because he didn't speak, he technically passed the test.

0:40.5

Who's right, who's wrong, only one can decide, please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the

0:45.8

courtroom and presents the obscure cultural reference.

0:49.7

Everywhere that you go, no matter where you are at, I said you talk about this and you talk about

0:56.1

that. When the cat took your tongue, I say you took it right back. Your mouth is so big,

1:02.7

one bite will kill a big Mac. May Ile of Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in.

1:07.6

Walter Eileen, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth,

1:11.7

the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you, God or whatever? Yes. I do.

1:17.4

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hachman's ruling, despite the fact that he intends to talk

1:21.8

and make mouth noises through the duration of this recording? Yes. Yes, I do.

1:28.9

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

1:35.2

I mean, I'm going to eat a whole lot of fruit leather just to really thrill the misophonics in the audience.

1:43.2

But before I do, Walter and Eileen, you may be metaphorically seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of yours favors.

1:49.6

Can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom? Eileen, you're bringing the case against Walter. Why don't you go first? What's your guess? I'm going to write it down on this

1:52.7

piece of paper that I have right here. It could be Dr. Seuss except I don't think they had big

1:57.3

Max when he was around. Interesting question.

2:01.7

They did.

...

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