Attention all passengers.

The Uber ride for Mark and Jamal's romantic weekend

will depart in four minutes from Platform 6.

Your ride comes with a rolling countryside sunset view

and a table seat, ideal for playing footsie beneath.

Thank you for booking your tickets on Uber. Trains on Uber.

I'll now hand you over to my best man, Eddie.

Wow, wow, wow. Second time's a charm, eh, Billy Boy.

Oh God.

Substitution courtesy of Paddy Power embarrassing Eddie makes way for sensible Samuel.

Cool, that was close.

You might not always pick the right starter, but your sub can still deliver.

Because with Paddy's Super Sub, your bet rolls over to the player coming on.

Paddy Power!

Valid on selected leagues and markets only.

Pre-match and in-play bets on qualifying player outcome selections only.

T's and Cs and exclusions apply.

18 plus scum cameraware. Dot or. And this has been a question

that has been long asked

by many people, Martin.

What if taxi driver or what if the king of comedy was directed by Limp Biscuit?

Ladies and gentlemen, you would have this wonderful masterpiece right here.

...