The Difference Between Pursuing and Chasing

Jillian on Love

Daylight Media

Sexuality, Health & Fitness, Society & Culture, Mental Health, Relationships

4.8 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 23 March 2026

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this coaching session, Jillian helps a listener untangle what he thought was anxious attachment and reveals what may actually be happening instead: he’s getting emotionally invested before a real relationship has even begun. She breaks down the difference between pursuing and chasing, why texting can create a false sense of intimacy, and how to stop wasting energy on people who aren’t truly showing up. This episode is also a powerful reminder that the more alive, engaged, and fulfilled you feel in your own life, the less likely you are to confuse attention with connection. Download Jillian’s FREE limerence workbook, http://jillianturecki.com/workbook Join my community and membership, The Conscious Woman Submit your relationship question for Jillian at https://forms.gle/FbtgkGTwfnrjvHwW7 Order Jillian's book It Begins with You: The 9 Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life at https://www.jillianturecki.com/book ~~ Follow the show on: Instagram: @jillianonlove Threads: @jillianturecki YouTube: @jillian.turecki Email the show at hello@jillianonlove.com Subscribe to Jillian on Love+ on Apple Podcasts or Patreon ~~ Follow Jillian Turecki on: Instagram: @jillianturecki TikTok: @jillian.turecki X: @JillianTurecki Visit her website at jillianturecki.com ~~ Jillian On Love is brought to you by QCODE. To advertise on the show, contact us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, welcome back to Jillian on Love. Today I have a special episode. I speak to a guy
0:14.4	around 25 years old and he keeps getting ghosted by his dates. It's like he can't seem to really
0:25.3	lock a date in even though there seems to be interest in the beginning. So he wrote in just
0:31.4	feeling a little hopeless about it all and did not understand what he's been doing wrong.
0:38.3	We uncover what he's been doing wrong and what he can do differently.
0:43.3	But even more than that, we go a lot more beneath the surface to see what else he could do to make it so that can have some success in dating. So really excited for you
0:57.8	guys to watch this and to listen to this right now. And yeah, here we go. Hey there. Welcome.
1:06.9	Hi, Jillian. Thank you for having me. Super excited to be here. I'm excited to talk to you. What's your question?
1:13.6	So I've noticed in my love life that I tend to get attached first in the relationship. And then when I start to feel them pulling away I I
1:30.7	sabotage my relationship with what I believe is anxious attachment style what I'd
1:39.1	like to figure out is one how can I better pick or identify somebody that's, you know, for me and
1:49.0	worth investing in so I don't get hurt or how do I, you know, overcome this anxious
1:57.4	attachment style? I'm not really sure where to, where to start what the right answer is. Yeah. Are these relationships or are these dating scenarios? Dating scenarios.
2:07.3	Okay. So it's not relationships that you're sabotaging. It's initial connections that you're
2:14.1	sabotaging that they never turn into relationships. That's right. Yeah. My,
2:18.6	intentions are a monogamous long-term relationship, never been a hookup or party kind of person.
2:28.8	So what's happening? Are you meeting them online? Are you hanging out with them? Are you, like,
2:34.1	yeah, go figure. Are you, like, how far along do you get in the dating prop?
2:39.5	Like, do you ever meet them?
2:40.6	Or is it just where at what stage do you find that you sabotage?
2:48.7	And what do you mean by sabotage? Meaning they're not interested?
2:53.1	So, yeah, it's primarily online.
	...

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