So how about we start off by kind of breaking down what makes these conversations and these people so difficult to deal with?

What are the barriers that we're dealing with here?

Sure. So the first thing we do when we talk about a difficult person is the first thing I like to point out to people, and this is the first point of resistance, if we will, right?

Kwame, the first point where they're like, wait a minute. what is she talking about? People say they're difficult. People will say, I work for someone who's really rude. I work with someone who's really disrespectful. I work with someone who's really negative. I work with someone who's always the victim. I work with someone who's a know-it-all, right? These are the kinds of things that people present as difficult behaviors.

And the first thing we have to recognize is that what's really happening is I'm witnessing a

behavior in you. So maybe you cross your arms in a meeting and you roll your eyes. Or maybe you

interrupt me. Or maybe you talk about your previous success, or maybe you tell me my work

isn't good enough, and you say those words to me. I witness specific behavior in you, and then I

label it from my own perspective. So I label you crossing your arms in a meeting as disrespectful.

I label you saying my work isn't good enough as insulting. I label you talking about your

past successes as arrogant. So it's a really interesting thing if you can pull that apart just for a minute,

is to recognize other people do things in the world. And then I label your behavior based on my

experience. And then I believe that about you. I believe that you're arrogant. I can promise you

that person did not wake up today and think oh i can't wait to be arrogant today right

they're just doing things in the world and then i labeled it and then what happens is i use that

label to define you and that label in and of itself changes how i interact with you it's fascinating right

but i believe that it's you that it is making me be the way that I am, right?

So the first thing we have to recognize is as soon as I label someone as difficult,

negative, whatever it is, it changes me, not you.

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